Expletives
by TehSpookyWaffle
Summary: It was embarrassing. It was awkward. Worst of all, it was cliched. Naru/Sasu, Sasu/Naru AU
1. Prologue

A/N: Hello faithful Naru/Sasu lovers. I've decided a shitty twoshot wasn't enough to stop my yaoi kick, so here comes a brief and mildly retarded story. By mildly retarded, I mean pretty fucking retarded...Oh well. Please enjoy.

--

( It was embarrassing.

It was awkward.

Worst of all…It was cliched. )

--Opening--Sequence--

Sasuke Uchiha was a proud, cold, and (in a certain dobe's terms) uptight, sadistic bastard who needed to have the stick shoved up his ass surgically removed because it was wedged up there so far that it was beginning to affect his digestion. Oh yes, ladies and gents, this young gentleman was the epitome of a prick. He kicked puppies, laughed at old ladies when they tripped and fell, and worst of all enjoyed watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. The sick and twisted individual that is the Uchiha is too much for one person to deal with…Atleast one person besides Naruto Uzumaki.

The two met in gradeschool after Naruto casually flung lukewarm Red Dye #40 colored applesauce into an unsuspecting chibi-Sasuke's hair. As many have learned the hard way, Sasuke Uchiha greatly values his infamous duckbutt hairstyle and an angry exchanging of words quickly escalated into an all out brawl. Baby teeth were knocked prematurely out of sensitive pink gums, Power Ranger Band-Aids were viciously pulled off of knees and elbows, and many a boo-boo was accumulated. Let's just say there were a lot of owies to kiss after the fight was broken up by a worried teacher who nearly shat herself when she saw Sasuke sitting on Naruto's back, scraping his nails across the younger blonde's cheeks.

Though the scars caused by this incident marred Naruto's face for eternity, all ill feelings healed along with the other injuries. In fact, while waiting for their parents (and guardian) to be contacted by the secretary in the principal's office, Naruto had begrudgingly admitted that Sasuke was a good fighter and Naruto admired him for his rather dirty methods of fighting. On these small and seemingly insignificant compliments, the two forged a sort of respect for each other, or at least for each other's brutality. Over the years, this oddly placed respect grew into a reluctant friendship, which turned into an unreluctant one, which turned into a closer understanding of each other, which soon morphed into the category which can only be described in this hideous manner: Best Friends Forever. (shudder)

After becoming accustomed to be being BFF's, the mismatched pair suddenly began doing everything together. They joined the same clubs, hung out with the same friends, and even took the same classes. They had become joined at the ass…erm…_hip_.

After this rather boring introduction, I'll skip to the main reason you bothered to read this story…The man-love.

You see, in high school Sasuke fell victim to the acne-inducing terror that is puberty. Not having many female friends, he had no one to focus his raging hormones on besides his blonde dobe. He began noticing simple things Naruto did such as that cute little crinkle he got above his nose when he laughed, and the way his eyes shined when he was certain he had nailed Sasuke good with a remark he just made. To Sasuke's disgust, he discovered that he found his blonde bubbly friend absolutely beautiful and couldn't do anything to quell his feelings. He tried though, GOD he tried. He went so far as to consider going to a hetero-camp, if the pamphlets in his dresser drawer prove anything…

By his junior year, Sasuke had managed to admit that he was a teensy, weensy, microscopically bit gay. He also managed to admit that he may have been a teeny, tiny, bit gay on a _completely_ atomic level for his best friend. You can imagine the insane level of awkward Sasuke felt at the conclusion that he had fallen in love with his best friend, but the lad was convinced he would eventually grow out of it. Then again, if he grew out of it, where would we both be right now? Instead of losing interest in Naruto, after graduating high school, Sasuke discovered to his dismay that he was more smitten with Naruto than he had been ever before. He had been thrilled with the aspect that he and Naruto would be attending different colleges, carrying the belief that he could forget about Naruto if he wasn't around him all the time. Sucks to be him, because Naruto discovered weeks later that the business college Sasuke had applied to also had a spiffy art program. Naruto applied, got accepted, and ended up sharing an apartment with his favorite duck-assed amigo. This fact lead up to the ending of this crappy recap session and the beginning of the plot.

--End--of--Chappie--

Hells yes, I gave Naruto's scars a PURPOSE! I'm sick of them being whiskers or tattoos and shit...They've finally been explained! Oh yeah, Chapter 1 is right after this one, cause I'm nice and decided to give you more than this shitty epilogue! Please enjoy.


	2. Asshole!

--Here--Come--The--Plot--

"Sasuke? Saaaaaaaaaaaaaasukeeeeeeeeeeee?"

A poke. A groan. A frustrated dobe.

"Sasuke! Wake up, asshead!"

Another poke. A muffled curse. A swift elbow to the stomach.

"WHAT!? I'M AWAKE ALREADY, JESUS!"

Naruto crawled onto Sasuke's bed and propped himself up on his hands, hovering over his extremely cranky friend. He grinned at Sasuke and leaned in close enough to make Sasuke's heart actually cease mid-pump.

"Mornings greetings from your own personal alarm clock!" Naruto leaned in quickly and rubbed their noses together in semblance of an Eskimo kiss. He got up as quickly as he had pounced and began sauntering off to their kitchen. "Omelets are on the table!" He called behind him as he walked, leaving his blushing roommate behind.

Sasuke pulled the covers over his head in embarrassment and willed his blush to die down. 'Fucking adorable idiot…Why does he have to be so touchy?'

Calming himself with the no fail deep breathing method, Sasuke reluctantly climbed out of his toasty warm bed of cozy splendor, into the icy deathvoid which was his apartment.

"NARUTO! Did you turn down the thermostat again?" Sasuke barked, searching desperately for his favorite robe.

"Ummm…I may have fiddled with it…" he heard floating out of the kitchen, along with the delectable aroma of bacon.

'Mmm…bacon…' the Uchiha salivated as he tied the sash to his embarrassingly fuzzy bathrobe. Sure it was pink and fluffy, but dammit that thing was cozy! Just this once taking comfort at the expense of fashion, Sasuke slid his bare feet slowly across the chilly marble floors into their small but functional kitchenette. Once there, he wasted no time in grabbing a plate and piling it with fresh, crispy bacon.

Naruto turned and scowled at him. "Too much protein will give you indigestion."

Not in the mood for hearing the latest chunk of dietary know-how the dobe had picked up from their mutual med. student friend, Sakura, Sasuke brushed him off with a pleasant, "Ooo gibs eh fukth?" in between chomps of bacon. Normally the Uchiha wasn't so uncouth, but he had been awoken from a rather pleasant dream involving the pony he'd wanted since he was four named Sparkles Fantastic and the most glorious rainbow ever(1). This meant Sasuke wasn't in the most pleasant of moods.

"If you don't balance your food groups you won't be able to focus today. Did you forget today's our first day of college?" Naruto ended with an excited note and placed several pieces of freshly buttered toast on the table as he took a seat across from his friend.

"No, I didn't forget…" Sasuke began, reaching for a glass of milk, "it's just that not everyone's as thrilled as you are to have to wake up at 6:30 every morning." He grumbled, taking a swig of his slightly warm beverage.

Naruto chuckled and began smearing jam on his toast. "Well, you wouldn't have to wake up so early if it didn't take you an hour to do your hair."

Sasuke sneered at this. "You're an artist. You should be able to appreciate a masterpiece when you see one."

"As of now, the masterpiece is still in the processing stage." Proving his point, Naruto reached out and gave a tug on one of the many askew dark locks sprouting forth from Sasuke's smug head.

Sasuke might have pouted if he had less pride, but instead slapped the offending hand away. "When I'm done styling this beauty, you'll be begging to lick my scalp."

Naruto crinkled his nose in distaste. "That's a new one. Who said that?"

Sasuke casually reached for another piece of bacon. The antics of his rabid fangirls weren't exactly an unusual conversation topic. "Surprisingly enough, it was that sweet little girl who runs the curry stand down the block. Strange, I'd never have pegged her for having a hair fetish…"

The blonde began giggling uncontrollably at the pondering look his friend's face. "Still, that's not as bad as the chick that asked for clippings of your 'curlies'."

Sasuke nodded in agreement and took an experimental bite of his omelet. "Yeah. That was an awkward conversation…This omelet sucks by the way. You didn't scramble the egg enough; there's chunks of egg white with speckles of yolk."

Naruto's cheeks burned with rage and embarrassment. "Sorry I'm not the culinary genius you are, asshole."

Sasuke waved him off indifferently. "Don't worry about it. I know not everyone can be as flawless as I am."

Naruto cheekily stuck his tongue at him and returned to his flawed omelet. "I'd rather not be a bitch-faced moron, thanks." He began chewing rather rudely; open-mouthed and loudly.

Sasuke crinkled his nose in distaste. "Oi. Stop it." His response was more obnoxious chewing. Sasuke could literally feel his sanity being ripped from his very being. "DOBE. KNOCK IT OFF." This time, Naruto looked up from his plate. There was silence for a few seconds and Sasuke assumed that he had won the battle. Suddenly, the blonde grinned rather nastily and leaned over Sasuke's plate, letting the pre-chewed egg nibblets fall unceremoniously onto the Uchiha's mound of delectable bacon goodness, fondly named Mt. Bakey.

Oh, that was the line. You do NOT touch a man's bacon. Sasuke flung himself across the table and grabbed Naruto by the scruff of his striped blue pj's. He squashed their noses together aggressively and attempted to shoot death beams out of his eyes at the petrified blonde.

"When do you get off on being such an obnoxious whore?" Sasuke growled out through gritted teeth, intensifying his glare for effect.

Naruto seemed to ponder this for a few seconds before replying with, "I dunno, Sasuke. I last a loooong time."

Disgusted and slightly intrigued, Sasuke shoved him away with a huff, causing Naruto to tip over backward from his perch on his chair and go flying onto the hard kitchen marble on his ass.

"Nooooo! My ass! My lovely, shapely ass!" he wailed, rubbing his bottom dramatically in mock hysterics. "Do you have any idea how many trips to the gym it took to tone this beauty? DO YOUUUU?!"

Sasuke mumbled a barely audible, "I can guess…" after having stared at Naruto's ass many times in the past. Needless to say, it was a nice ass.

"What was that?"

Furiously, Sasuke began shoveling pieces of omelet and (un-barfed on) bacon scraps into his mouth. "No time, running late." He explained between chews, masking his embarrassment as best he could.

Naruto nodded his understanding. That freaking Uchiha and his hair…Naruto decided it was about time he got ready too, and scampered off to his room to pick out his outfit for the day. Sasuke took this opportunity to sneak into the shower. Sure, he knew that the water pipes in their building were all connected. He also knew that the water took awhile to heat up again once its resevoirs of heated H2O were depleted. He also relished in the fact that he enjoyed taking particularly long, steaming showers. He only wished he could see the dobe's look of frigid-anger once he discovered that Sasuke would (yet again) use up all the hot water. Sometimes Naruto's short term memory loss was a very entertaining attribute.

--End--of--Chappie--

(1) I'm pretty sure I jacked that Sparkles Fantastic thing from Billy and Mandy or something...And the most glorious rainbow is from Anchorman. I HAD TO! IT CALLED TO ME!

Sorry for overall lack of manlove...I can't rush these things. Worry not, there shall be many smexings (Uh...if by smexing you think of cuddling and making out, then yeah) and other fun stuff to enjoy. I'm almost done with Chapter 2, so please be patient!

Though I'd rather not whore myself out for reviews like I have in the past...I can has reviews, pweez? I'll do ANYTHING! I HAVE NO MORALS! ...That was a bit extreme...


	3. Bastard!

A/N: Okay, if any of you noticed, the first chapter was previously titled "Epilogue". My readers are much smarter than I am, because even though I reread it about three times, they noticed that something was amiss. (For some reason that just didn't register...) Special thanks to the happiest emo on earth and funfun980. Without them I would seem even stupider. THANKS!

--After--Class--

'Why is it out of all the classes the dobe had to take, he HAD to take the one on the other side of the campus from MY classroom?' Sasuke 'ScrewYouchiha' grumbled to himself and adjusted his messenger bag's strap as he wandered the halls of the schools art wing in search of a certain ramen-loving idiot. He searched high. He searched low. He even looked in all the stalls in the bathroom, but all he found was a floater in the handicapped stall and a very lonely young gentleman and his sympathetic friend, 'Mr. Fistie' in the first stall on the left. (1) Sasuke was quickly getting fed up with his searching. Classes were over twenty minutes ago, yet his sunny friend was nowhere to be found. Needless to say, Sasuke has a short temper and no patience whatsoever. This plus lack of dobe, resulted in many angers and much frustration. Basically he was pissed.

'FINE. If he's not here and he's not outside, maybe he's still in the classroom.' Sasuke sure as hell hoped so.

The trek to room Delta67 Sugarcakes…Just kidding; Room 409A, was long, treacherous, and filled with fangirls. After matrixing his way out of many a glomp attempt and even a few marriage proposals, he managed to find the room that held Naruto's last class of the day. He turned the shining metal knob and pushed open the door. Quickly scanning the room, Sasuke noticed a casually dressed professor with impressively voluminous silver hair and an unnecessary face mask setting up easels in the center of the room. Making a mental note to find out what brand of hair products the man used later, Sasuke resumed his quest for the idiot of all idiots. He spotted a handsome, pale red-haired man with way too much eyeliner wiping excess paint off of his palette, and a young woman…oh shit, _man _with long blonde hair piled into a ponytail on top of his head and an emo flip cleaning up some clay residue with an old rag. Unfortunately for Sasuke, this was the only blonde in the room and it wasn't the one that made his stomach do flip flops and his heart beat fast enough to rival a drum line.

Just as the raven was turning to leave, he heard a "Ne, Sasuke!" coming from the center of the room. Shifting his head so that he could see, Sasuke spotted Naruto waving at him from a crouching position behind some art tables.

He rigidly walked over and glared down at his stooping friend. "The hell, usuratonkachi? Where you actually _hiding_ from me? How fucking old are you?"

Naruto scowled and stood, brushing his pants off in the process. "Bastard, I dropped my pencil." He held up a shiny, freshly sharpened 2B as proof.

Shaking his head in disbelief, his companion darkly muttered, "I've been searching for you for half an hour, and all this time you've been searching for a missing pencil?" He couldn't hold back the annoyance in his voice, not that he wanted to, and raised his head to glare at his slightly shorter friend. "Stupid dobe."

"I didn't spend the whole time looking for my pencil…I was finishing my sketch!" Naruto gestured to an almost completed drawing of a busty nude woman in an obscenely provocative position. Sasuke merely stared at it in disbelief. "That's what you've been doing? Drawing porn for three and a half hours?" Sasuke began seething, from rage and perhaps a smidgen of jealousy. Quickly he deflated and let out a deep sigh. "And to think, I braved a shit lump and a wanker for you…"

Naruto fought back his obvious questions and defended his work. "Well…It's not like I'd choose this myself. Kakashi-sensei suggested that we go with a simple figure drawing as a warm up session and insisted that a nude _woman_ would be best." At Sasuke's look of disbelief, Naruto quickly argued, "It's true! He kept making suggestions like, 'Make her breasts bigger,' and 'It would be more visually stimulating if you put her in a position where sensuality and decency were skewed.' Shit like that. It was a pretty uncomfortable lesson."

Sasuke sent a disapproving glance to the masked teacher in the corner. Seemingly knowing that they were discussing him, he turned around and gave a lecherous grin (with his right eye, oddly enough) and resumed his work. "Still, he's better than _my_ teacher," Sasuke began, not taking his eyes off the deviant in the mask. "He turned out to be some kind of gay rapist or something…He kept asking for my phone number, insisting it would be more helpful to me if he could 'call me at any needed time to help me with my studies" or some B.S."

Naruto let out a low whistle. "Unsettling! Sasuke is neither safe from man nor bitch!"

"What a lovely way of putting it…Anyway, next time you're going to be late, why don't you tell me beforehand?"

The blonde scratched an itch on the top of his head and resumed putting away his pencils. "Well, I would if I knew. Why couldn't you just call me or something?"

Sasuke stared blankly ahead. "I would have, but I've misplaced my phone."

Naruto pulled his orange cell phone out of his pocket and pressed 1 to initiate the speed dial sequence he had rigged Sasuke's number to on his phone. "Well, let's see if it's around here, then." After several seconds of nothingness, a small jingle was heard coming from Sasuke's messenger bag.

"_Coin-operated boy, sitting on the shelf, he is just a toy. But I turn him on, and he comes to life. Automatic joy. That is why I want a coin-operated boy." _

There was a moment of silence filled only by more of the seemingly happy tune. That moment was quickly ruined by the tittering of a certain hyperactive doofus. "You're shitting me…That's your ringtone?" His titters soon escalated into full on cackles. "What…haha…What the FUCK? HAHAHAHA! So much for being a cold, unfeeling bastard!"

Sasuke fumed silently, his face turning a soft shade of pink. "That's quite enough of _that_." He pouted and began rooting through his shoulder sack in search of his phone and its embarrassing ringtone. (2)

"_Coin-operated boy. He may not be real, experienced with girls, but I know he feels, like a boy should feel. Isn't that the point why I want a…"_

"Aha!" Sasuke cried out in triumph (well, more like muttered quietly in a pleased tone) as he held his offending cell phone in his right hand. He paused however when the music began to slow and his favorite part began to play.

"_Coin-operated boy…With his pretty coin-operated voice, saying that he loves me, that he's thinking of me. Straight and to the point. That is why I want a coin-operated…CLICK." _

Still slightly red, Sasuke switched off his phone and shoved it into his pocket. "Let's just go…" he grumbled, already walking away.

"Sasuke…"

Sasuke didn't stop. He kept charging out the door of the art room, not even bothering to close it on his way out.

Naruto stood in the center of the room dazedly. 'What just happened?' he wondered, confused as to what had set the boy off. Just as soon as these thoughts had crossed his mind, Sasuke came charging back into the room.

"Sasuke! I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get offended when I made fun of your ringtone! It's just such a nice little tune I never thought someone like you…"

Ignoring the blonde, Sasuke trudged past him and straight up to the silver haired art professor in the corner. He stared the taller man down for several tense moments, then quietly asked, "What kind of hair products do you use?"

--What--The--Shit?--

(1) For those of you that don't get me, this is a masturbation joke.

(2) Also, the song was supposed to match Sasuke's feelings towards Naruto. Ya know, that he never does what he wants and ends up hurting him in his unpredictability, so Sasuke wants a boy that he can please him and love him without jerking him around. (Yes, I can be deep.) This song was just buzzing in my head at the time, so I decided to include it.

If anyone knows the band that sings this song, (lovely band, it is) then the first person to tell me via review gets to decide the fate of the next chapter! :O I know what you're thinking and yes. This IS all part of a sinister plot to make you review. Well, in my defense, I update fast and like reviews so XP.


	4. Chowderhead?

A/N: I know I've been using a pattern of "expletives" for chapter titles, but I can't think of a swear that applies to this situation...Plus, this chapter's kind of a filler and that's another definition for an expletive, basically...So yeah...Enjoy the pointlessness.

--Sasuke--Be--Mad--

Since the little incident in Naruto's art room, the pair had barely spoken to each other…At least, _Sasuke_ had barely spoken. Naruto seemed to be jabbering nonstop. His one sided conversations went a little something like this:

"Bastard…Talk to meeee…I'm sorry, already! I know I hurt your feelings by making fun of your ringtone…I love the Dresden Dolls, really! They're awesome and I love her eyebrows!(1) Come on! Sasukeeeeeeeee!"

"Fine, anal-gland! I don't care anymore! Don't talk to me ever again! See if I care! I don't need you and your overall pissyness anyway. In fact, I hope your fangirls finally start working together and kidnap you and then take turns raping you until your measly little ice-bitch dick falls off. Yeah, I hope _that_ happens!"

"…Sasukeeeeeee…I was just kidding about the dick thing. I'm sorryyyyyyyyyy…Sasuke…? Remember all the good times we had? Remember that time I pushed you off the swing and you fell into Ms. Tsunade's tits? Wasn't that awesome? What the-Don't glare at me! You should be grateful! I gave you your first sexual experience! Sas…MMPH!"

(I'm sorry, we're experiencing some technical difficulties. Our regularly scheduled program of Naruto making an ass out of himself will soon resume, right after Sasuke Uchiha takes the pillow off of his head.)

Malice in his eyes, Sasuke clamped the dark blue throw pillow harder onto Naruto's face. The blonde kicked and flailed frantically, trying to dislodge himself from Sasuke's "ice-bitch" grip.

"…suke! …an…reathe! S…ke! …DEATH!"

Reluctantly, Sasuke climbed off of Naruto's chest and took his decorative throw pillow with him. Instantly, Naruto began spluttering and gasping for air, all the while wishing death upon the diabolical pillow. "I knew…those…were evil…" He panted, rubbing his sore, oxygen deprived neck.

"Maybe you shouldn't act like such a tool, if you don't want to die choking on authentic goose feathers." Sasuke put in, still fuming at the end of their sleek black leather couch.

Naruto's large blue eyes shone with hurt and he crawled over to Sasuke's end of the couch to reason with him. "Sasuke, I don't want us to fight…" he began, leaning in close enough to his stoic friend to place a comforting hand on his right shoulder. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you so I can apologize properly?"

Sasuke considered him for a moment before turning abruptly away, impassive as ever. "No."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't get it."

"Not get it?" Naruto was hurt and confused by this statement. "Sasuke, I'm your best friend! It's my job to get it!" He leaned in again, resting his suddenly tired head on Sasuke's shoulder. "Please, just talk to me…"

In favor of a response, Sasuke merely scooted as far away as he could from Naruto, causing the unfortunate blonde's head to clunk on the headrest of their expensive couch. "Meanie…" Naruto muttered muffedly against the leather material. He bounded up almost as quickly as he'd fallen and tried again to coax his ass of a friend into coherent speech. "Sasuke, you know the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. I mean…uh…"

Naruto suddenly began blushing and stammering quite uncharacteristically. Sasuke regarded him quietly for a few moments before striding past him without a second glance. Naruto noticed the absence of his friend and couldn't mask the disappointment on his face. The blonde sighed audibly and stretched himself out on their couch. 'Oh well…Later then.' He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the heavy feeling nesting in his stomach, until he felt his feet being harshly nudged.

He looked up to find his surly roommate sporting a fluffy maroon blanket and a bowl of artificially flavored and colored Cheez Crunchies. Naruto gaped at Sasuke in confusion as the raven began groping their glass coffee table (hehe, grope) for the remote control to their plasma TV. Catching his questioning glance, Sasuke simply stated, "Chowder marathon."

At this, Naruto instantly brightened. "Aww, you remembered my love of purple racoon-bunnies and brazen sexual innuendo!(2) That's so sweet!" Sasuke merely shrugged and changed the channel to Cartoon Network without a word. He offered Naruto some blanket and the bowl full of Cheez Crunchies. Naruto grinned at Sasuke and wrapped the blanket around himself before grabbing a handful of the tasty cancer-ridden treats. He smiled secretly to himself, knowing that this was Sasuke's way of forgiving him.

"Thanks…" He said softly, popping one of the Crunchies into his mouth.

Sasuke didn't even blink. "For what, dobe?"

"For forgiving me. And for Chowder. I know you hate it."

A comfortable silence settled over them as they watched the mind-numbing cartoon until Sasuke quietly said, "I like the brown one…"

Naruto almost laughed. "Shnitzel?"

Sasuke nodded. "He's the only one among them that's not retarded."

"But that's the charm of it!"

Sasuke didn't look at him. "Shut up and watch your cartoon."

Both of them watched the remainder of the episode, the air filled with the loud hoots of Naruto's laughter, and occasional chuckles from Sasuke. As the credits rolled and the announcer began prompting viewers to continue watching the marathon, something very important sprung to the raven's head. It was a pressing issue…Something he'd wanted to ask for awhile now...

"Naruto…" he said quietly, slowly turning his head to face the dobe.

"Yeah, Sasuke?" Naruto was a little wary of the situation. Sasuke only used his actual name in serious situations. Otherwise it was a clever insult sprinkled with fondness…

The Uchiha seemed to be mulling something over in his head. He glanced up at the ceiling briefly as if in deep thought. Nodding once in agreement with himself, Sasuke looked back into Naruto's shining blue eyes.

"Dobe, I have something very important to ask you. If you laugh at me, I'm telling my fangirls about that embarrassing incident at band camp in eighth grade…"

Naruto paled instantly. "You can't! They'd murder me brutally if they knew that I grabbed your ass that one time in the cafeteria!"

"Which has never been explained by the way…" Sasuke looked at him pointedly before continuing. "Now, promise you won't laugh."

"I promise, Sasuke."

At Naruto's confirmation, Sasuke exhaled loudly through his mouth and readied himself. "Naruto Uzumaki…Will you…"

Naruto waited on baited breath.

"…take me to the drugstore to buy Matrix: Vavoom volumizing mousse?"

Naruto's jaw nearly broke from the force of how quickly it dropped. "You're shitting me…THAT'S what you want?"

Sasuke nodded, a red stain covering his cheeks.

"My God…" Naruto was flabbergasted. "Dude, get _over_ your _hair_!"

Sasuke stood up abruptly and pointed at his scalp. "Are you seeing this, Naruto? How can I get over THIS?" He ran a hand through his thick dark locks in order to prove his point. "Your professor said that that particular mousse gave him results that hours of teasing would accomplish. You're always bitching about me being in the bathroom too long; I'm doing this for your sake."

"You make it sound like it's a burden for you to go out and buy it." Naruto turned away from him and returned to his show. 'Oh sweet, Endive came on. Haha…she's fat…'

Naruto tried to enjoy Endive attempting to rape Shnitzel, but was thwarted by the unnerving glares he kept receiving from the Uchiha. Just _feeling_ Sasuke's abyssmal eyes boring holes into the side of his head was unsettling…

"Fine! We'll get your shitty mousse."

Sasuke felt like doing a little jig in triumph, but refrained from doing so because he was an Uchiha and Uchihas did NOT shake their booties…Ever. Still, he knew he had achieved victory and it was bouncy, soft, and manageable…

--Too--Many--Hair--Jokes--

(1) The lead singer of The Dresden Dolls, Amanda, has these crazy tattooed eyebrows...They're insane.

(2) Come on...Chowder's full of sex jokes! That's why I watch it.

HAHAHA! I TRICKED YOU INTO THINKING IT WAS BECOMING ROMANTICAL! TEEHEE! Though there is brief insight to Naruto's feelings...very brief though. Don't worry, next chapter is JEALOUSY...

Oh yeah, and I'll try to lay off the hair jokes...I just can't help myself though . Thanks for reading!


	5. Shit

A/N: This has nothing to do with the story, but I'm currently obsessed by that stupid "Shake It" song by Metro Station. I'm disgusted at myself for this because I know Miley Cyrus' brother is in the band and I have a huge dislike of that girl...I listened to that song while writing this whole chapter, so I blame them for the oddness...

--Random--Restaurant--Scene--

"God, these noodles are practically ORGASMIC! Oh no…I think I spurted a little in my pants... Curse you, you fantastically sexy ramen!" Naruto held his "lover" up high in the air, all the while cooing at its amazingness. Sasuke fumed. He had no idea he could actually be jealous of ramen… "How's yours, Gaara?"

A curt nod was his only reply.

Sasuke growled low in his throat. He had forgotten the reason he was _actually_ jealous…

Gaara. Creepy, over-indulgent eyeliner enthusiast, and proud holder of an emo-tastic forehead tattoo. He also happened to be Naruto's classmate and the two were expected to do a collaboration together paying homage to Neosporin. (Why? Because Kakashi's a lazy prick and hadn't thought of an assignment that particular morning. Thus, he had simply looked into his desk drawer and found his "inspiration"). Since Naruto has always been friend-happy, he instantly spotted the opportunity to have a new notch in his friendship belt and quickly invited the redhead to lunch with Sasuke and him. As a result, Sasuke was not in the best of moods…

'Fucking monotonous retard…What the hell is he trying to pull?' The Uchiha fumed and stabbed violently at his tempura with his chopsticks. Now, tempura doesn't necessarily like to be stabbed, and refused to stick to his needle-like eating stick. (1) This infuriated him more. Propelled by anger and a love of unnecessary violence, Sasuke began impaling his tempura rapid-fire, muttering profanities at the stubborn delectable.

Naruto and Gaara watched in morbid fascination at the aggressive display. At least Gaara was fascinated. Naruto was just scared. "Um…Sasuke? Maybe you should stop trying to brutally slay your nom-noms and contribute more to the conversation?" the blonde tentatively suggested.

Sasuke whipped his head up from the mush that was once his tempura and glared ferociously at his dobe. Naruto squeaked and ducked under the table to hide from the Uchiha's wrath. "Gaara! Save me!" He cried, clutching the stoic teen's calf in pleading. Gaara raised a non-existent brow at his odd behavior, but favored ignoring him and resumed chewing his gizzard. (Why they serve gizzard at a traditional Japanese restaurant, I have no fucking clue). The blonde's actions only succeeded in pissing the Uchiha off. He threw the pathetic remains of his tempura at the idiot's exposed head, covering his scalp in a thick fishy paste.

Fearing the worst, Naruto rose a shaky hand to his head and pulled off a large hunk of fish goo. His lips instantly formed a pout and he began to whine. "Sasukeeeee…That was mean! You know that Sakura's our server! What if she sees?"

Sasuke resisted the urge to smirk. "That's what I was hoping for, idiot." Anything to make the blonde less appealing to that pink-haired waitress…He didn't need any more competition as it was.

Naruto's lips quivered and his pout intensified. Sasuke's eyes widened and his stomach did a jolt. The trademark Uzumaki-pout! Its prowess was too great for the Uchiha…The adorableness was always too much for Sasuke to handle and always made him cave.

A pale hand made its way to the top of Naruto's head. Blue eyes quickly glanced over to look at Gaara, who until now had been merely an observer of the two friend's antics. Slowly and cautiously, Gaara began plucking gobs of tempura out of Naruto's blonde locks. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke said a word, both watching silently as the redhead continued to clean off Naruto's scalp. Apparently Sasuke wasn't the only one affected by the Uzumaki-pout…Once Naruto's hair was for the most part void of Uchiha rage, Gaara retracted his hand and placed it back in his lap.

"Thanks, Gaara!" Naruto smiled brightly at the man before glowering at Sasuke. "At least _somebody_ loves me…"

Sasuke almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of the statement, but managed to conceal his laughter. 'If only you knew, dobe…' He kept his thoughts to himself and forced himself to watch Naruto and Gaara interact with each other. Naruto was attempting to make conversation and kept cracking jokes and laughing, while Gaara just nodded politely and would occasionally grace the blonde with a small smile. Having no more tempura to take his anger out on, Sasuke was forced to watch the scene and fume silently.

"So, Gaara, how do you think we should incorporate the joys of Neosporin into our work?"

Finally! They had moved onto business and no longer had the opportunity to socialize! Sasuke smiled evilly to himself at the revelation.

Gaara contemplated the idea for several moments before huskily breathing out, "Perhaps we could have…somebody bleeding…" he stopped talking momentarily to insert a piece of his gizzard into his mouth. He chewed, swallowed, then continued with his concept. "He could be covered in wounds…and have some healing scars and such on him, too…" Feeling self-conscious at the repulsed looks he was being given, Gaara stopped his explanation and lowered his head slightly.

Naruto went from disgusted to inspired. "Yeahhh! And we could have a tube of Neosporin or something on the ground beside him. Ya know, at first I thought the idea was kind of morbid, but it's strangely inspiring…"

The redhead visibly brightened at Naruto's statement. "Inspiring?"

Naruto nodded, still in thought. "You know, the Neosporin could be symbolic of something…Hope, maybe."

Sasuke slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration. "You're shitting me…They're having a deep conversation over the hope inducing wonders of Neosporin?' "How the fuck can Neosporin bring about HOPE?" Sasuke asked loudly, deciding to voice his thoughts.

Naruto and Gaara shared a look and smirked deviously at Sasuke. "An uncreative bastard like yourself couldn't possibly understand." Naruto provided, leaning in closer to the grinning Gaara. Both of them smiled slyly at him as if they were both keeping a large secret from the Uchiha. They almost looked like a--

Sasuke looked back and forth between the two rapidly. Oh HELL no. This lovey-dovey shit had to stop. NOW.

Suffering from a brief lapse of sanity at the lingering threat of his dobe being seduced by an angsty redhead, Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the back of the head and pulled the blonde's face to his. With only a split second of hesitation, Sasuke firmly pressed his lips onto Naruto's. Blue eyes widened considerably, shocked and confused by the Uchiha's actions. Sasuke maneuvered his mouth skillfully over the blonde's less than responsive orifice, shyly running over the seal of Naruto's lips once with his tongue. Almost as quickly as he had initiated the kiss, so it ended with a panting Naruto and a satisfied Sasuke.

Sasuke gave Gaara a smug look. "Back off bitch, he's taken." Naruto spluttered, his face an unnatural shade of red. "Sas…Sasu…WHAT THE FUCK?"

Reality catching up with him, Sasuke whipped his head away from Naruto and stared off into the distance. "Moron, I was protecting you. This douchebag wants to penetrate your mangina! Can't you appreciate that I was trying to save you from exceedingly painful manrape?"

A chuckle. Followed by maniacal laughter.

A shocked raven and severely confused blonde turned their heads to see Gaara cackling loudly and with abandon. His laughter proceeded for a good five minutes, before he sighed happily and wiped a giggle-induced tear from his eye, not even caring that he smeared his eyeliner. "I had no idea the infamous Sasuke Uchiha was so foolish…" he explained, still dwelling in the after affects of his laughfest. "My interests in Naruto do not exceed the exploration of a simple friendship. Nothing more."

Sasuke blinked stupidly for several seconds, drinking in the redhead's words. He timidly caught Naruto's questioning gaze. 'Oh…shit. There goes my excuse...'

--Dun--Dun--Dun--

(1) Honestly, could you think of a better synonym for chopsticks? Its rough, I tell you!

CLIFFHANGER! Its been so long since I wrote a cliffhanger that I'm all giddy about it. It's come to my attention that this story has been almost entirely void of romance! As such, I've decided to give you a little but o' fluff to keep you all going! (Yes, I'm generous...) It's definitely too soon for any confessions as of now, so don't expect it to get all "OMIGOD I LOVE YOU! SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL!" right away. Sorry it wasn't that funny this time. I'm tired. Blehhhhhhh...


	6. Shit Reflected!

A/N: I'm listening to the Eels right now...Eez niiiice. Other than that, go to http : / / demonicwaffle. deviantart. com/ art/ SasukexNaruto-Kiss- 94694142 for a comic of last chapter! (I'm such a view-whore).

--With--Naruto--

"…and then he called me 'Sugar Tits' and started blaming everything on the Jews…"

Sakura stared blankly at the blonde before her. "So…he did his Mel Gibson impression? You know he only does that when he's trying to distract you."

Naruto nodded briefly and sighed, glancing down at the floor. "It works every time…"

Frustrated, Sakura blew her pink bangs out of her face and stared coldly into Naruto's eyes. "Let me get this straight…Sasuke _kissed_ you."

Naruto nodded.

"_Kissed_ you…"

Another nod.

"And you don't think he's gay?"

Naruto suddenly started laughing. "Sasuke? Gay? You've got to be kidding! Have you seen how many bitches that boy's got?"

Sakura eyed Naruto whimsically. "Girls tend to be attracted to men they know they can't have…"

He blinked. "Well…He's never even _hinted_ at being gay before…"

The rosette snorted loudly. "You kidding? That boy _screams_ gay…"

Naruto looked at her, disbelieving. "Elaborate."

Always one to rise to a challenge, Sakura cracked her knuckles and leaned back in her seat leisurely. "First of all, his hair. Seriously, how many straight guys do you know that take two hours styling their hair in the morning? That angst-cut is Sasuke's pride and joy."

"Well, have you seen that thing? His hair looks like it was sculpted by the gods…"

Ignoring the blissful look on Naruto's face, Sakura continued. "He does all the interior design on your apartment, which looks fabulous by the way. _Too_ fabulous for a hetero to accomplish…He's never once dated, kissed, or even _touched_ a female in the past ten years…" She began ticking off the reasons on her fingers. "He gets his eyebrows waxed, has a picture of Billie Joe Armstrong under his mattress, and has an unhealthy obsession with Celine Dion."

"Hey!" Naruto yelled suddenly, jumping up. "Don't knock the Dion!"

Sakura frowned, narrowing her green eyes at him in annoyance. "Well? Do you see my point now?"

Naruto stopped his rant about the awesome force of sound which is Celine Dion, and stopped to consider Sakura's words. He stood for several moments in silent wonder, before sighing and sitting down in defeat.

"If Sasuke's gay, why didn't he tell me?" the blonde lowered his head, shielding his bright blue eyes clouded with hurt and sadness.

Sakura's brows knitted together in sympathy. "Well, Naruto, why didn't you tell _him_?"

Naruto smiled up at her gravely. "I'm certain that it's painful obvious what _my_ sexual orientation is…" He grinned at her suddenly. "Your tits are looking particularly perky this morning."

An angry blush unwillingly rose to Sakura's cheeks. "If I didn't know better, I'd slap the shit out of you…" she said, seething.

The blonde smiled cheekily at her and stuck out his tongue. "I'd probably like it…"

"DAMMIT, NARUTO! Here we are trying to have a civilized conversation, and you have to pull that crap NOW?" Naruto's smile faltered, but he kept the fake grin firmly in place. Sakura breathed out through her nose and willed herself to calm down. 'Me getting angry isn't going to help him right now…' "Naruto, have you considered what you're going to say to Sasuke?" she asked with concern.

Sighing, Naruto focused his attention to his twiddling thumbs in his lap. "I guess I'll confront him about it…Ask him point blank if he digs dudes or not…Either way, s'fine."

Sakura sighed too and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. 'Dammit…I can't believe I was on break when Sasuke kissed him…'

--Sasuke--Time--

"Come on…Pick up you worthless son of a…"

"…Hello?"

"Itachi!"

"Hnn…If it isn't my foolish little brother. What happened?"

"…"

"Well? What did you do?"

"…Something foolish."

Thick laughter could be heard through the phone. "Let me guess…This is about your little blonde friend, right?"

Sasuke blushed faintly and muttered a small, "…Maybe…"

"Why don't you tell big brother _all_ about it?"

The younger of the two Uchihas ground his teeth in annoyance. The bastard was _enjoying_ this!

"Itachi, if you're not going to care then I'm not going to waste my time."

"Hold on, hold on…I didn't say I didn't care. It's not my fault that I find amusement in your suffering."

"…Actually, it might be."

Itachi chuckled quietly. "Perhaps, Sasuke, perhaps…Now, I know you never call just to say 'Hello.' What's wrong?"

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke began his long pathetic story. "I…sort of…kissed…Naruto today."

"Oh?" The surprise in the elder Uchiha's voice was evident. "And how was that? Did he like it?"

Sasuke sighed loudly. "I…I don't know. I panicked and went into Mel Gibson mode as soon as it happened."

Itachi chuckled again. "Foolish little brother…Do you remember nothing that our father taught us?"

"…In awkward situations, wait for a reaction first, _then_ joke about Mel Gibson…" Sasuke recited flawlessly.

"Exactly. You must always judge your response by the other person's actions."

"I know all of that…" Sasuke growled, clearly frustrated. "It's just that with Naruto things are different!"

"How so?"

"Because Naruto matters!"

Sasuke realized his mistake as soon as it had come out. He snapped his mouth shut and considered hanging up on his older brother. His finger was already hovering above the "End Call" button, when he heard his brother's deep baritone voice ask simply, "Do you love him?"

Sasuke hesitated for a long time before finally answering with a choked out, "…Yes…"

Silence greeted him on the other end of the line.

Tentatively, Sasuke called for a reaction from his brother. "Itachi?"

"Well…At least you're finally admitting it to yourself."

"You're…not ashamed?"

Itachi seemed hurt at the question. "Sasuke, I'm your brother. I'll accept you no matter you're sexual orientation. I said that when you first told me you had feelings for another guy, remember?"

Sasuke clutched the cordless phone tightly in his hand nervously. "Yeah, I know, but I only told you I was _attracted _to another guy. I never said I loved him."

"Well, it's true that you didn't flat out say you were gay but…" he laughed a little. "Honestly, I kind of guessed."

Sasuke deadpanned. "Guessed…?"

"I've lived with you for eighteen years. I know that a young boy spending two hours in the bathroom isn't exactly a heterosexual tendency…"

"Fair enough."

"If you were looking for the 'brotherly advice' thing, my advice is the same as always…"

"That wasn't it." Sasuke interjected, blushing a little. He had just needed someone to talk to and the only person he was close to here was Naruto. Seeing as how Naruto was the source of Sasuke's current distress, he obviously couldn't talk to him about how he felt about the situation. His caring, yet teasing, older brother seemed the obvious choice.

"Talk to him about it. If you keep everything inside, you'll end up like our father did…"

Sasuke shivered at the reminder of their father. Fugaku Uchiha had always held in his emotions and was eventually consumed by them. He had viciously lashed out at a man dressed in a Donald Duck costume at Disney Land Tokyo when the man refused to pose with them. He ended up putting the unfortunate quacker into a coma, and was imprisoned in Jafar's Jail for seventy-two hours. It was an experience Sasuke would like to forget…

"The poor bastard still can't use of his legs…"

Sasuke nodded slowly. "I…still have nightmares of him screaming."

Trying to escape from the tense moment, Itachi said, "You know, I've been trying to open up more, too. In fact, just the other day as I was lying in bed with that model I'm sleeping with I said, 'Konan(1), it wasn't just your heart-shaped ass or the fact that you let me tie you up and call you 'Francesco' that attracted me to you. It was also your breasts. They're fantastic.' See, if I hadn't been opening up I'd have never of told her that and I'd have regretted it always."

"…Wow…That's deep, Itachi." Sasuke stated sarcastically.

"You see? Live without regret, Sasuke."

Scoffing at his brother's stupidity, Sasuke bade him a brief farewell and quickly hung up the phone. "Fucking idiot."

--Yes--He--Is!--

(1) Konan is that bluehaired chick in the Akatsuki. I did NOT make her up, she's just not important.

I happened to draw the last scene from the previous chapter. If anyone wants to partake please check out http : / / demonicwaffle. deviantart. c om/ art/ SasukexNaruto-Kiss- 94694142 You know the drill, no spaces. If you fear what my artwork might look like, check my profile on here and look at my icon. That's how well I draw.

(Oh yeah, I like Itachi. That's why he's cool here. Plus if you read the recent chapters you find out he's not actually a bad dude. Gotta hand it to Kishimoto for making Naruto lose its happy-go-lucky feel. Now its all dark and angsty.)

So besides that shit, thanks for reading! Reviews make me your BFF, lack of reviews makes me pee in your cereal. Do you want piss in your cornflakes? I seriously hope not...


	7. Prick!

A/N: I was messing around in the forums today. XD It's surprising how profound some people get. And then you see the rest of them who are all like "SASU/NARU FOREVERRRRRR!" Then I run scared. There were a lot of typos in my last chapter. This time I'm proofreading!

--I--Like--Nudies--

After hanging up on his brother, Sasuke found, much to his displeasure, that he was disgustingly lonely.

'Well…I'd might as well compile a soundtrack of my sad and horrible life…'

Pulling out his laptop, Sasuke quickly clicked on the icon for iTunes and put his playlist on shuffle. He lay down on his bed and settled his beloved Mac snugly on his firm chest, with the intent of watching the pretty swirly display it performed while he brooded. The opening bridge of the first song began playing and Sasuke's ears perked up.

'Huh…haven't heard this in awhile…I forget what it's called…'

"We watch the seasons pull up its own stage, and catch the last weekend of the last week…"

Sasuke's eyes widened. "Oh God, NO!"

"You have…stooooolen my…heart!"

Panicking, Sasuke flailed helplessly in search of the 'Next' button. He successfully managed to flip to the next song and breathed a sigh of relief. 'I'm going to kill that idiot for putting Dashboard Confessional on my playlist…I am not that emo!' (1) He sighed audibly and decided to check his mail since he was already messing with his Mac. He was in the process of deleting the porno advertisements that had somehow evaded his fancy spamblocker when a light rapping on his door distracted him.

He knew it couldn't be Naruto, because the idiot wouldn't have bothered to knock. Not taking his eyes off of his laptop, Sasuke quietly called, "Come in." and let the person outside his door take the initiative from there.

The knob turned and a pink head peered around the corner. "Sasuke?" Sakura asked, stepping into the room. She made her way over to his bed in three easy strides and took a quick glance at his laptop. "Really, Sasuke? NekoNudies dot com? I thought you were above that."

He smirked at her comment and decided to humor her a little. "Oh yeah. I just can't stop thinking about what they can do with their tails…Mrrowr." He clawed the air weakly, a disgusted look on his face.

She laughed heartily and started to sit on the bed next to him. Sasuke scooted over to accommodate his companion and continued sorting through his inbox.

"So…" she began conversationally, wiggling her toes a little. "I heard you and Naruto had a little make-out session at the café and didn't even have the decency to wait for me to get off of my break. That was kind of bitch of you don't you think?" Although her tone was playful, Sasuke could sense that Sakura was waiting for an explanation on his behavior.

Avoiding the subject, Sasuke clicked on the link for 'NekoNudies . com'. "Hmm…Apparently NekoNudies has collaborated with PuppyPlaymates. I guess there's not a good dirty "I" word so they can't use the word 'inu'. It would make more sense though, since they use 'neko' which is obviously Japanese and…"

"Sasuke, you're getting off topic."

"Topic? We had a topic? See, I thought this was just a nice, friendly conversation between friends and that we were so comfortable in each other's presence that we don't even _need_ a topic. In fact, I bet that we're so comfortable with each other that you and I could discuss, oh I don't know, the weather for three straight hours and still remain in the same level of comfort."

Sakura glared at him in annoyance. "Well, since we're so comfortable with each other we should be able to discuss your feelings for Naruto." She smiled smugly at him and crossed her arms.

A silence hung in the air until Sasuke spoke. "Did you see Mel Gibson in BraveHeart?"

She gave him a strange look. "Why do you talk about Mel Gibson so much?"

This led Sasuke to ponder the question himself. He was only following his father's teachings…So why was his father such a Gibson fanatic, anyway?

"Sasuke, you and I both know that this situation can't just be swept under the rug. Naruto's not going to forget that kiss so easily."

Sasuke was snapped out of his thoughts (which for some reason, consisted of his father and Mel Gibson doing a tribal dance in tutus) and turned his attention back to Sakura. "I know that. What's done is done. I'll deal with the consequences."

"Sasuke…" she pleaded. "I know you don't want to ruin what you and Naruto already have, but you can't let your own insecurities get in the way! You love Naruto, and he has the right to know that."

Sasuke gave her a sidelong glance. "I'm not insecure about anything. I just know the facts. The facts are that Naruto isn't gay and there is no future for the two of us."

She sighed and stared sadly at her friend. "Sasuke, you don't need to tell yourself that…"

"Yes I do." He interrupted her, snapping shut his laptop. "There's no point in dwelling on the 'what-ifs' and 'maybes'. Naruto doesn't like me like that…" Sasuke trailed off. "And he never will." He quietly added, sliding his Mac into its black leather case.

Sakura pouted at her friend's stubbornness. "He's not going to let go of this. You know that."

The Uchiha boy looked up at his pink haired friend with a glint in his eye. "Oh, he'll forget all about it. He won't have a choice."

--What's--The--Glint--Mean?--

"It's going on the List."

Naruto looked up from his manga, startled. "W-what?"

This was the first thing the Uchiha had said to him since he got home. As soon as Naruto had walked through the door, shouting Sasuke's name and ordering him to talk, Sasuke had shut himself in his room and refused to come out for hours. When Sasuke finally had ventured out, he had been silent and immediately ignored Naruto. The blonde accepted that Sasuke wasn't going to talk to him anytime soon and had proceeded with entertaining himself until Sasuke was ready to talk. He knew that in this delicate situation, he'd have to operate on Sasuke's terms.

That's why Naruto had been surprised when the first thing Sasuke said to him, of all things, was "It's going on the List."

"What list?"

"The List of Things We Shall Never Speak of Again."

Naruto blinked, wide-eyed. "You serious?"

Sasuke nodded. "Dead serious."

Blue eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Sasuke, this doesn't qualify for the List."

Rage flared up in Sasuke. "Why not? We put that stupid time that you got drunk and started hitting on Itachi on the List!"

"HE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES, DAMMIT!"

"I don't care! Why doesn't this qualify?" Sasuke's fists began to shake in suppressed rage. The dobe wasn't cooperating!

Naruto looked at up at him thoughtfully, all the while marking his place in his manga. "We can't just ignore this, Sasuke." He said finally, his voice drowning in sincerity and emotion.

"I don't want to talk about it. That's why it's going on the List." Sasuke said defiantly, pulling a folded piece of looseleaf out of his back pocket. He carefully unfolded it and smoothed it out on his pants leg, beholding the majesty of 'the List' for all to see. Pulling out the black felt tip pen he had previously tucked behind his ear, Sasuke braced the paper on his palm and prepared to write.

"Sasukeeeeeee!" Naruto lunged at him to get the taller boy to stop.

"Fuck! Naruto get off me!" Sasuke pushed on Naruto's head to try and get the boy away from him. Naruto pushed back just as hard and reached vainly for the scrap of paper Sasuke held away from him.

"Sasuke, stop being such a prick and talk to me about this! I know you felt something when you kissed me!"

Sasuke stopped struggling and froze, shock written all over his handsome features. "What did you say?"

Blushing now, Naruto looked away from him. "Yeah…The way you…_did_ it…It just felt like…something important."

Although Naruto still refused to meet his eyes, Sasuke stared directly at him. "What do you mean, important?" Sasuke had to word himself carefully. He was in dangerous territory now.

"Just…it felt like you were trying to tell me something. Were you?"

As Naruto finally turned to look at Sasuke, the raven turned away. "I…was."

Naruto's eyes brightened. "What were you trying to tell me, Sasuke?"

Feeling brave, Sasuke looked directly into Naruto's blue, blue eyes. Big mistake.

Instantly losing his nerve, Sasuke quickly fumbled for an excuse. "I was trying to tell you that…Gaara's a rapist. He wanted your ass."

Naruto looked both puzzled and disappointed. "Sasuke, Gaara said he doesn't like me like that. He has a girlfriend. You were there."

Sasuke flushed almost unnoticeably. "He wanted your ass. Don't question me."

Frowning, Naruto climbed off of Sasuke and picked his manga off of the coffee table. "Fine, Sasuke. Until you feel like telling me the real reason, you and I aren't speaking anymore!" With that being said, Naruto walked briskly away from Sasuke and into his bedroom.

Sasuke sat there for several moments reflecting on what had just happened. 'Well…I probably just missed the perfect opportunity to confess. That's fun.' He stood with a sigh, uncrumpling the forgotten List that had been damaged in the fray. The List of Things We Shall Never Speak of Again originated when Naruto and Sasuke first got their apartment and certain quirks about the other were revealed. Both fearing blackmail, the sacred List was formed and its conditions hadn't been breached since. Smoothing out the wrinkles with his hand, Sasuke read over the List's previous entries:

_1. Catching Naruto masturbating to Pucca. Seriously, dobe. She's all nub. How are nubs sexy?_

_2. Finding Sasuke eating Peanut Butter Poodle ice cream out of the carton at three in the morning. And fuck you, Sasuke. Pucca has a dazzling personality…_

_3. That time Naruto got shit-faced drunk and started calling my brother 'Spicy Sack'. That was awkward as hell. _

_4. Catching Naruto humping that ramen container. I don't know why I was surprised by that. _

_5. Finding Naruto's stash of 'Loveless'. Reads it for the art, my ass._

_6. Finding the stick of butter Naruto uses as deodorant. No wonder you smell like fresh biscuits all the time._

_7. Finding those issues of Cosmo under Sasuke's mattress. So, tell me, how DO you give the perfect blowjob?_

_8. Walking in on Naruto while he was jazzercising. And to answer your question, it's all in the tongue. _

_9. Finding Sasuke's baby blankie and Mr. Cuddlesworth in his closet. Adorable!_

_10. Discovering that Naruto likes the way satin feels against his package. Nice panties, dobe._

_11.…_

Sasuke chuckled at all the things they had discovered about each other over the brief two months they had been living here. He looked thoughtfully at the blank space beside number eleven. An entry had yet to be added. It was the perfect spot for what he had in mind.

--Naruto--Be--Readin--Porns--

Naruto closed his graphic novel with a 'FWOOSH' and set it back on his shelf. 'I don't care what Sasuke says…Loveless is amazing.' He flopped down dramatically on his bed and stared at his ceiling. No thoughts flitted through Naruto's brain. He simply stared.

A light rapping was heard on his bedroom door. Sasuke.

'Finally! He's come to apologize! I wasn't sure how long I could stay mad at him.' Naruto practically skipped to the door and flung it open with flourish.

"Sasukeeeee!" he sang happily, only to be met with nothingness. "Huh? Where'd that little bastard scurry off to?"

Scratching his head in his confusion, Naruto glanced around the hallway for a trace of his raven companion. His gaze drifted to the bare granite he was standing on, and he noticed a piece of paper lying there. Curiosity always being one of his stronger traits, Naruto bent and picked up the paper before unfolding it.

'Hey, it's the List.' He skimmed through it, noticing that something new had been written down. 'That bastard! If he wrote down the whole kiss thing I'll freakin' murder him!'

Finally taking the time to actually read the words, Naruto was surprised and slightly embarrassed by what he read. In neat, bold letters was:

_11. Sasuke's jealousy over Naruto when it comes to Gaara. No matter how irrational it may seem._

Naruto stared at the paper for a very long time. He slowly lowered the List and retreated back to his quarters. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Naruto took a deep breath.

'Okay. So, Sasuke's not ready to tell me about the kiss thing yet. Fine. I can wait.' Naruto folded the list again and smiled. 'But he was jealous?'

'What a prick...'

--Sound--Familiar?--

(1) I actually like Dashboard Confessional, but I figure Sasuke's musical tastes would lean more towards Indie and Alternative artists...

Mm...Yeah, that was the chapter! I was kind of stuck til a thought occured to me in the bathroom...Why I get my best ideas in the bathroom, I have no friggin' clue. Anyway, special thanks to all the people who reviewed for me! I didn't reply to any of them due to busyness, but I heart you all!

Er...I'm running out of threats. Review or...or...I expose you to nekkid neko boys. (Oh shit, you might like that.) Umm...RAWR!


	8. Bitches

A/N: I'm on a Tales of the Abyss kick right now, so this chapter is severely belated. I just can't get Jade/Dist out of my head...My first ever yaoi pairing...Oh the nostalgia...

--Mmm—Pancakes…--

"Gaara!" Naruto greeted happily, opening the door widely for the redhaired newcomer. "Just throw your stuff anywhere! Sasuke and I were making snackies."

Ignoring the cutesy term Naruto used to describe the concoction the two were currently making, Gaara walked past him, chucked his bag and pillows on the leather couch, and went to the kitchen to peer over Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke, who was in the process of stirring a hot pot of marshmallow and peanut butter, tried to ignore the redhead's unwanted presence.

Seemingly losing interest, Gaara walked away from the annoyed raven and towards Naruto who was digging in their cupboard for a box of Cheerios.

"If you're making Rice Krispie treats, I'll pass." He said darkly, eyes narrowed.

Unfazed by Gaara's apparent deep hatred of Rice Krispies, Naruto smiled at him. "Don't worry, I don't like Rice Krispies either. That's why Sasuke and I make Cheerio treats! They're way better and don't taste like styrofoam death."

Sasuke deflated a bit at Naruto's statement. 'I love Rice Krispies…Dammit, another thing they have in common!'

Sasuke was already beyond pissed at the fact that Gaara was spending the weekend with them, reason being that his sister had just turned twenty one and was deciding to throw a party for herself and a couple hundred friends at their apartment. Gaara, antisocial as he was, was terrified at the idea of so many people, so many _drunk _people, being near him and likely trying to _touch_ him. He could only resist the urge to kill for so long…Naruto being his ever helpful self offered Gaara a place to stay for the weekend, partially to ensure that Temari's birthday party didn't turn into somebody's funeral.

Naruto walked over to Sasuke and glanced into the pot he was stirring. "Mmm…smells good. I think it's melted enough, so I'm gonna grab the Cheerio's now."

Sasuke nodded in reply and turned down the heat. His blonde companion returned quickly and measured out the necessary amount of cereal goodness, which Sasuke mixed carefully with his sticky batch of tasty. After pressing the messy mixture into the pan, the Cheerio snackies were complete! Sasuke began cutting them into bars, while Gaara watched.

(Yes, I know that scene was soooo entertaining…You can deal.)

Grabbing a bar out of the tray, Gaara began nibbling on it thoughtfully. "Good." He stated simply, biting off a larger piece. "Much better than those traitorous Krispies…"

Sasuke rose a brow in confusion. "Elaborate."

"They…called me names." Gaara said in a hushed whisper, teal eyes flashing dangerously.

Naruto looked surprised. "You mean, when you pour milk into them?"

Gaara nodded, almost shuddering. "Mother wouldn't let us buy them after she found out that they talked to me…"

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other fearfully. With any luck he wouldn't notice the box of Rice Krispies tucked safely in the cupboard…

"So…anyway, how 'bout some snackies?" Naruto giggled nervously and began placing the bars of nummers on a tray.

Sasuke tentatively took one, watching Gaara out of the corner of his eye. The boy still looked a little off after reliving his Krispy trauma. The three of them walked into the living area with Naruto carrying the tray of Cheerio treats with a bag of chips tucked under one arm. All of them sat down on the couch, Naruto in the middle with Sasuke and Gaara on either end of him.

Naruto laughed happily and reached for the remote to their TV. "Who's ready for the best sleep over EVAH?"

Both Gaara and Sasuke grunted in response.

"Hmm…I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Anyone in the mood for Sifl and Olly?"

Sasuke felt a squeal of girlish delight rising up in his throat. He made a slight squawking noise in his effort to muffle it, but still managed to reply. "That would be…acceptable."

Naruto looked at him in skepticism. "Acceptable? Please, Sasuke…I know you have a hard-on for Sifl."

Sasuke crossed his arms and looked away. "Please…It's more of a morning wood thing, really."

"How is morning wood different from a hard-on?"

"Lots of ways."

"Elaborate!"

Gaara's neck was hurting from the strain of whipping his head back and forth while watching the two bicker.

"Morning wood catches you off guard. Therefore its unintentional and less serious."

Naruto laughed loudly at that. "You think erections are _intentional_? Do you have any idea how many times I've had to shield my boner in class with my textbook?!"

"No, but I can guess…" Sasuke tried to ignore the mental image that was quickly formulating in his brain.

"Many, many times! Once I even got sent to the nurse's office cause my teacher thought I had erectile dysfunction! Look, you're even getting one now!"

"Huh?" Sasuke whipped his head down to check his crotchal regions for any signs of unrest. He frowned in confusion. Everything appeared to be in order… "I'm not getting an erection, dobe!" he hissed, obviously annoyed.

Naruto grinned triumphantly at him. "Yeah, but you had to check? Were you thinking dirty things, Sasuke?" That grin of his grew wider and more perverted. "Mind sharing?"

Sasuke fumed and blushed furiously. "You couldn't handle the things that went on in my head." He smirked a little at the statement, thinking that Naruto would drop the subject after this.

He was wrong.

"No, tell me Sasuke, I'm interested." A perverted gleam was in his eyes. "Does it happen to involve a certain sock puppet and his oh so talented elastic? Hmmmm…?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Pucca." He said menacingly, effectively shutting the blonde up.

"Hey, man, that's on the List! You know we don't speak of things that are on the List!" As the thought process in Naruto's brain began connecting the dots… 'List…Pucca…Sasuke's brother…Sasuke…Sasuke's last entry…Gaara!' He had completely forgotten about their guest for the evening!

"Gaara, I'm sorry you had to witness that!" Naruto chuckled softly in embarassment and turned to face his redheaded friend.

Seeing that the two would be busy for a while, Gaara had found his own entertainment in one of the many episodes of Sifl and Olly and was currently watching the two sock puppets with fascination. A little ruffled by the fact that he had been ignored, Naruto took a seat on their couch beside Gaara and began watching the show with him. Sasuke followed suit and sat on the opposite end of Naruto. The show was watched in relative silence aside from the occasional chuckle, until Naruto decided to open the floor for discussion with this little gem:

"I don't like the term 'sexkitten'."

Both of his companions instantly froze at the comment.

Being the first to recover, Sasuke quickly shouted, "WHAT?" at the seemingly innocent blonde. "What the fuck made you think of that?"

Naruto shrugged and stared at the ceiling in thought. "I dunno…It's just the word makes me think of someone raping a cat…Then it makes me think of furry vaginas…"

Sasuke gagged visibly. "God…Just keep your thoughts to yourself from now on."

Gaara nodded. "You're sick."

Naruto gaped at him. Wow…if _Gaara_ was calling you sick, then damn. You was fucked up. "Well…Gaara, you should know all about furry vaginas. What, with your _girlfriend_ and all."

If Gaara was capable of looking sheepish, then that's exactly how he looked at the moment. "Yes…about that. She's not exactly my girlfriend as much as she is a girl I'm stalking..."

Sasuke looked at him in slight fear. "Soo…How long have you been 'together'?"

"Two years." The redhead looked proud.

"Wow…That's admirable."

Naruto turned his head rapidly to glare at the raven. "Sasuke!"

The boy shrugged at him. "What? Two years and not getting caught? That's commendable."

Naruto sighed and returned to his sock puppets. '…It is kind of cool in a creepy, ninja stalker way…'

Seemingly broken from his puppet-induced trance, for once Gaara was in the mood to talk. "Enough about my relationship…What about yours?"

Sasuke didn't look up from the TV set. "We're both single. Same as always."

"Hey! I had a girlfriend for two whole weeks last year, thank you very much!" Naruto interjected, holding up two fingers proudly.

Sasuke snorted and rolled his eyes. "And what a successful adventure _that_ was…"

Before Naruto managed to lead the conversation even more off tangent, Gaara cut him off. "I meant…_your_ relationship…with each other."

Both boys blinked and looked at each other slowly. Upon making eye contact, both parties looked abruptly away, telltale pink glowing on their faces. "Uhm…We're just friends!" Naruto was the first to speak, chuckling nervously as he did so.

"Best." Sasuke added, his face returning to its natural death-pale.

"Huh? Best, what?"

"Best friends, moron. I was putting emphasis on the best."

"Ohh…Well, be a little clearer next time. Can't understand a damn thing when you mumble."

"This is what I was talking about."

Attention was once again refocused on Gaara. "The two of you bicker like you've been screwing each other for years…Are you sure this isn't one of those 'secret lovers hiding beneath the title of best friends' situations?"

Naruto was shocked. For one, he had never heard Gaara say so many words at one time. Also, he felt strangely embarrassed by his friend's words. That was confusing as hell… "Gaara, it's not…"

"Well, you two live together." Gaara continued his musings, completely ignoring Naruto's protests. "That gives you plenty of time to do the pantsless shuffle."

Naruto laughed a little internally. 'Pantsless shuffle…Damn, I'm using that one.'

Sasuke however paled. (That's a feat, considering his already mentioned death-pale level of albinoness). 'Why didn't I think of that?' He was suddenly angry at himself…All the wasted time spent alone in an apartment with Naruto and he could've had him! (In various ways and positions, might he add). Inconveniently he remembered the reason why he hadn't introduced Naruto to Sasuke the Barbarian (Yes, that was his penis's nickname…Cute, right?)

"It's not about sex anyway." Sasuke said quietly and decisively to himself.

Both Naruto and Gaara looked up at him in shock. "What?!" Naruto squeaked out. Gaara merely smiled to himself in satisfaction. Oh yeah, he knew it.

Sasuke was quick to erase any confusion about his statement. "I'm just saying…If I were in a relationship with…Naruto…it wouldn't be about sex." He swallowed nervously before continuing, shifting his eyes so that he was looking straight into Naruto's. "I would never be with someone I only found physically attractive. And I'd never be able to have sex with anyone I didn't…"

Sasuke stopped himself short and looked away, his nerve finally shattered. Luckily, Naruto was there to pick up the pieces.

"You'd never be able to have sex with anyone you didn't love, right?"

Sasuke nodded and braved a glance at his friend.

Naruto's eyes were shining brightly with understanding and affection. He smiled warmly at Sasuke, his cheeks reddening as he did so. The blonde was obviously pleased.

"Naruto?"

The dobe shook his head softly and turned back to the TV, smile still firmly in place. The reason for his joy, he didn't feel like sharing. A little put off by the blonde's sudden quietness, Sasuke settled himself back down onto the couch and resumed watching the DVD. Gaara, too, seemed pleased by Sasuke's statement and didn't press the matter any further.

It was only Friday night anyway, and he still had the whole weekend to get those two doing the nasty. He had a bet to win...

--If--Only--This--Were--Porn--

I dunno if any of you are familiar with Tales of the Abyss, but I've started playing it for the second time and I can't get over the main character's voice...It's the same voice actor as Sasuke and it drives me freakin' crazy every time he opens his mouth! I'm just like "Teehee, Sasuke." every time he speaks! If it wasn't such a good game, I'd quit...Also Gaara's voice actor's in it too...His character sounds like a gay version of Gaara. Fantastic! (Unrelated, but still a pressing issue!)

I made them bitches at the end...but I honestly got stuck. This originally went off on a tangent about Gaara stalking that chick. (Which won't be visited. I just thought it was funny.) I apologize. The humor quality is drifting downhiiiiill...I'm rushing a bit since school starts Tuesday and I wanted to get this story finished before I had shit to do again...Sadly, it shall not come to pass.

This is a long ass message thingie...REVIEW OR I'LL MAKE NARUTO FALL IN LOVE WITH SAKURA! (Gack...that just made me throw up a little.)


	9. Son of a Bitch

A/N: Uh...bacon!

--Sleepy--Times--

It was currently 4:17 a.m. and Sasuke was seriously regretting drinking all of that damn Vault…He and the blonde dobe had decided to be hospitable and accommodate Gaara's crazy insomnia. As such, Sasuke had downed about five cans of energy drinks which he was pretty sure was lethal…

This explains his current problem…Around 3:30 or so Gaara had conked out on their couch and was currently sleeping cozily. Sasuke would be in his own bed comfortable as well, except Naruto had insisted that they all sleep slumber party style and lay out their sleeping bags in the living area. Oh joy…

Naruto also had no trouble passing out and both bastards were snug in their makeshift beds sleeping like a baby that just ate ten pounds of mashed peas then took a huge dump on the babysitter. (That means quite snuggly.)

"Stupid ass, Naruto…" Sasuke muttered darkly, pulling the covers over his chin. He tried to burrow into his blankets and closed his eyes, but sleep just wouldn't come. "The Sandman's a filthy whore and his mother's a cheap prostitute..."

Sighing, Sasuke rolled over onto his side and stared at Naruto, cushy bastard that he was. "Naruto." He called softly. "Naruto, you awake?"

The blonde mumbled something incoherent and snuggled deeper into his sleeping bag.

"Can't hear you, stupid."

Naruto's face scrunched up a bit and he turned over in his sleep. "Mmph…kay…shirt…"

"What?"

"Sasuke…take…off…shirt…"

Sasuke froze completely. He found that he suddenly couldn't breathe. "N-Naruto?"

"Love…you…"

The Uchiha nearly shit himself in delight. (Yes, that can happen.) "What did you say?" he resisted the urge to shake the blonde and make him repeat exactly what he'd just uttered word for word.

"Sasuke…" a sleepy smile adorned the blonde's scarred face and a look of bliss graced his features.

Said Sasuke suddenly had an insane urge to squeal. 'Has…has he just been shy all this time? Has he been…hiding from me? Like I have been from him?' The raven nearly giggled in delight. He felt so giddy!

'God, when he wakes up…What do I…What do I say? Oh God!' A huge smile broke out on the Uchiha's face. He was elated, he was thrilled, he was…

"…suke…Up! Wake up!"

Asleep?

Sasuke abruptly opened his eyes and rapidly looked around the room. He saw both Gaara and Naruto leaning over him as the sun filtered through the windows…Wait, the sun?

He jolted up from the floor and glanced around. "It's morning?"

Naruto nodded and smiled. "Yeah. So, what's for breakfast?"

Sasuke scowled at him and through the sheets off of himself. "Is that why you woke me up?"

"Well…yeah." Naruto smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

Suddenly everything clicked for Sasuke. 'Woke up?' Rubbing his temples Sasuke groaned loudly. "So…you're telling me I was dreaming right now?"

Naruto blinked in confusion. "Uh…guess so. Then again I've never seen you giggle while you were _awake_, so I seriously hope you were dreaming."

"Giggling? Son of a bitch..." With a sigh, Sasuke lifted himself off of the floor and trudged his way into the kitchen.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called after him, voice sounding worried.

Throwing open the cupboard doors, Sasuke began rifling through the pantry. "So…what do you guys want?"

"Pancakes." Gaara grunted out, taking a seat at the table.

Naruto was quick to agree. "Oooh, how about some bacon on the side?"

Reluctantly, Sasuke pulled the instant pancake mix out of the pantry and walked over to the fridge to grab eggs, milk, and bacon.

"That's the last fucking time I'm listening to Avenue Q before bed…"

--Me--Too!--

If you can't tell, this chapter was hugely inspired by "Fantasies Come True" from Avenue Q. I listened to it while I started typing and thus...TA DA! It's short, but school has started so I have less time. Pittle...

I noticed I lost some reviewers. Good job, cause now Naruto's making out with Sakura! ...Eh...Just kidding. Still...Review whore need review. I have kids to feed and STDs to get tested for. REVIEW PWEESE?


	10. Cunt

A/N: Um...This is like, 2 weeks later than it should be. For that I am truly and deeply sorry.

--Where--Be--Teh--Buttsex?--

Naruto had been blissfully creating obscene sculptures with his pancakes, when his brain finally decided to work.

"Oh, shit! I promised Karin I'd review her sketches with her today!" Naruto cried out in surprise, sticking his fork into the torso of a pancake man on the receiving end of another pancake man's wang. (Heyyy, I found the buttsex!).

He quickly sat up from the table and rushed out of the kitchenette and into his bedroom. Sasuke and Gaara merely blinked at the spot where the blonde had been only two seconds ago before returning to their respective breakfasts. Not long after the two had reindulged themselves in their pancake nibblets, Naruto returned with a grey band hoodie in hand. Quickly pulling it over his head, Naruto approached the table with urgency in his eyes.

"Come on! What are you guys doing! Let's go, go, GO!"

Both Sasuke and Gaara raised their eyebrows at him. (At least Sasuke did.) "I don't see why we have to be there." Sasuke said pointedly, daintily placing a pancake-equipped fork into his mouth.

Gaara nodded in agreement and took a sip from his coffee.

Sighing dramatically, Naruto held out his hands in exasperation. "Come on, guys! Gaara, you're in our drawing and painting class! You can help Karin out, too!"

Gaara shrugged and returned to his coffee. "Yes, but I've never been a fan of _Karin_…"

Ignoring his statement, Naruto turned to Sasuke. "And Sasuke, you can be there for moral support! Honestly, what are you going to be doing anyway? Sitting alone in the apartment listening to Senses Fail and slitting your wrists?"

"Actually, I have a paper to write." Sasuke stated plainly, resting his chin in his hand and swirling designs into his syrup with his fork.

"See, you guys have nothing to do! You might as well come, too!" Naruto almost shouted, desperation leaking into his tone.

Sasuke looked up at the blonde suspiciously. "Why are you so dedicated to getting us to tag along, hmm? Is this Karin girl so awful that you can't bear to be alone with her, eh?"

Naruto visibly paled. "Uhm…No. What would give you that idea?" He laughed nervously and fidgeted.

After catching Gaara and Sasuke's knowing looks, he quickly rose to the defensive. "Hey! Karin's not that bad!" He fiddled with his thumbs a bit. "She's just…handsy. When we we're alone together she always tries to get in my pants."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "How so?" he ground out through clenched teeth.

Oblivious to the Uchiha's sudden jealousy, Naruto glanced up at the ceiling and began blabbering. "Well…it started out as simple stuff like tucking her fingers behind my belt or something, but recently she's been going straight for the crotch…Yesterday, she managed to get her hand down my pants before I noticed something was amiss, and then she--Sasuke, where are you going?"

Sasuke had gotten up from his seat sometime during Naruto's rambling and had disappeared into his bedroom. He came out moments later shrugging on his zip-up blue squid hoodie.

"Come on, or we'll be late." He said swiftly, tugging the zipper up halfway on his sweatshirt and grabbing his keys off the counter.

With a sigh, Gaara picked up his mug and raised it slowly to his lips. "Guess I'm outnumbered then…" he said with a slight pout, drinking the remainder of his drink in one gulp. He too, got up and began rooting through his suitcase for his striped sweatshirt. Finding it, Gaara pulled it on and zipped it up to his neck. "Shall we?"

--Some—Obscure—Cafe—

The bell hanging above the door dinged softly as the trio made their way into the quaint café. Scanning the room briefly, Naruto quickly spotted his companion.

"Over there! There's Karin!" He said excitedly, running over to her table to meet her.

Sasuke glanced in the direction that Naruto had run. There, at a table in the corner, sat a pretty young girl with a bright red asymmetrical haircut and a pair of dark rimmed glasses perched on her dainty nose. 'Fuck…I was hoping she was hideous…' Sasuke pouted mentally, making his way over to the table to join them.

He pulled out a chair next to Naruto and unceremoniously seated himself without so much as a greeting. Gaara tentatively pulled out a chair beside him and politely said "Hello."

Karin smiled at him gently and slowly averted her gaze to Sasuke. Her eyes instantly widened and the redhaired girl quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. She made an odd sort of moaning sound and bit her knuckle. Raising an eyebrow at her odd behavior, Sasuke averted his gaze from the strange young woman and began flipping through a menu he found lying on the table.

Karin grinned perversely at the Uchiha. 'Ohhhh…Thank you, GOD! He's the sexiest man-bitch I've ever SEEN!' She released her knuckle from her teeth's grip and calmly folded her hands together on the table's surface. 'I will be inside that boy by day's _end_.' She smiled at the thought and attempted to lock gazes with the Uchiha boy again.

Her happy thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of Naruto's cellphone.

_"I like a boy in uniform! School uniform! I like a boy in unif…"_

"Oh…I just got a text." He slid his hands into his pants pocket and began fishing around. "So, Karin, did you bring your sketchbook?" Naruto asked conversationally, still digging for his cellphone.

"Mmhmm…" Karin hummed dreamily, suddenly imagining Sasuke in a school boy uniform. Oh yeah…That's _niiice_. She reached deftly into her bag, never once breaking eye contact, and pulled out her thick black sketchbook.

After quickly punching out a reply to Kiba on his cellphone, Naruto put his it back into his pocket, He then took the sketchbook from her and began leafing through it. "Okay…Where are the ones you wanted to show me?"

"In the back."

He flipped through it some more, finding a LOT of sketches…too many to know one from the other. "Um…Karin? Where?"

Sighing in disappointment, Karin stopped staring at the raven and ripped the sketchbook out of Naruto's hands. Turning a few pages, Karin found the section she had been looking for. "There. Right there. The ones with the couple in them." She threw the book back at Naruto and went straight back to her new favorite hobby. Sasuke-watching.

Naruto looked at her first sketch and his face turned bright red. "Um…Karin?"

She growled in exasperation. "YES, Naruto? What is it?"

"Th-this one?" He pointed at the page.

"Yeah? What about it?"

Suddenly finding his mouth very dry, Naruto had trouble speaking. "I'm not sure if this is appropriate for our class…"

Karin's red eyes flashed dangerously, and she turned on him in a wave of fury. "What are you saying? That you're trying to censor me? Why is everyone always trying to hold me back? Freedom of expression and all that! Are you trying to go against my natural born right of FREEDOM, Naruto?"

Naruto held up his hands defensively. "Nooo of course not, Karin! It's just…I'm not sure if you can have two people banging as your art project."

She blinked at him and glanced down at the page. "What? It's not that bad…Hell, I have a few sketches in the back of two guys, a girl, and a gimp in a pleasure dungeon. This one's freakin' Barney compared to that!"

"Yeah but…Even Barney's pretty creepy, Karin…"

She snorted and went back to admiring Sasuke. "I think it's beautiful…The kinds of things that can only go on between a man and a woman…" She sighed dreamily, and reached out her hand to grab one of Sasuke's. "The kind of things that only happen behind closed doors, where the world can't see them…The kind of things where a woman is willing to do _anything_…" at this she squeezed Sasuke's hand tightly, "…to please her man." She smiled seductively at him and took off her glasses, sticking the end of them in her teeth.

Sasuke glared at her and quickly pulled his hand away. He settled both appendages safely in his lap and shot Naruto an accusing look. The blonde just chuckled and went back to reviewing Karin's drawings.

Unfazed by Sasuke's rejection, Karin folded her hands together and rested her chin on them. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced yet." She flashed him another seductive smile and even managed to blush slightly. "My name's Karin…Pleased to meet you." She held out her hand for Sasuke to take.

Sighing through his nose, Sasuke retreived one of his hands from its hiding place and briefly shook with her. "Sasuke Uchiha."

"Sasuke Uchiha." Karin repeated, rubbing his hand thoughtfully with her thumb as she said this. As Sasuke jerked his hand away again, she repeated his name several more times to herself as if testing it on her tongue.

Naruto gave her a strange look. "What are you doing?"

She stopped and smiled at him, eyes staying on the Uchiha. "Just making sure I remember his name…I'm sure I'll be screaming it later."

Sasuke choked on his own saliva at the statement and went into a coughing fit.

Naruto sprang out of seat and ran over to the coughing Uchiha. "Sasuke! Are you all right?" He began patting him hard on the back hoping to help him.

"You…ASSHOLE! That……hurts!" Sasuke rasped out in between coughs. Getting a hold of himself, Sasuke grabbed his now sore throat and rubbed it gently. Stupid woman…

Sasuke sighed deeply and rubbed his temples with his forefingers. The constant stream of female attention could be quite tiresome. It's not easy being the epitome of sex…:(

"Look, Karin…You're not my type, okay? I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now, and although I'm flattered, it's not going to work out…" He sighed after his rejection, knowing that the girl would start crying any minute now…

Karin continued to stare at him in the creepy, "Imma rape you while you're sleeping" look that she had seemingly mastered, before blinking in confusion. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was focusing on how deep and alluring your voice is…" She grinned lecherously at him again and appreciatively raked her eyes over his upper body.

Resisting the very, VERY strong urge he had to reach over the table and pimp-slap the shit out of her, Sasuke chose instead to groan and slam his forehead down on the table. If he was going to take over his father's company one day, Sasuke couldn't afford to have 'Pimp-slapping a civilian' on his rap sheet. (Yeah, that's an actual offense. Seriously…I've gotten like, three citations for it.)

"Sasu-chan! Are you okay?" Karin asked worriedly, putting a 'comforting' hand on his back. Rather abruptly, that hand of comfort became a hand of rape as Karin began rubbing him slowly and sensually, reaching down in an attempt to grab his ass.

Sasuke's eyes shot open. 'Sasu-chan?! Oh FUCK no!' He sat up quickly, forcing Karin to retract her hand. If only he had the ability to shoot death beams out of his eyes…Well, with any luck his father's personal scientists would soon discover a solution to that little dilemma. In the meantime, he would have to settle for a violent glare that clearly expressed his immense hatred at his new craptastic nickname.

Instead of crapping her pants, as was the desired effect, Karin smiled coyly and snuck her hand under the table. Sasuke looked at her in confusion, until he felt a distinct pressure on his kneecap that drifted higher every second. That sneaky bitch…

Just as Karin was a hair away from going where no stalker has gone before, their waiter finally decided to show up. "Hi, can I get you anything?" He asked with a smile, pulling a pen and pad out of his black apron.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Sasuke yelled, jumping up from the table to glare at the nameless, useless plot device.

The waiter cowered in fear at the ferocious might that was an enraged Uchiha and pathetically muttered, "I'm sorry sir…The staff's all male today and we went through about thirty rounds of rock, paper, scissors trying to figure out who had to wait on you guys…"

Confusion managed to stop Sasuke's anger. "Why?"

He laughed a little nervously at the question. "Every guy here knows that waiting on Karin means certain rape."

She giggled a little at his response. "What can I say?" she asked rhetorically, twirling a strand of red hair on her finger. "A girl has needs."

As Sasuke and the male waiter both cowered in fear at her statement, Naruto and Gaara were struggling to hold in their laughter. They had managed to keep quiet so far, Naruto struggling a little more so than Gaara, but now that things were getting more interesting it was a lot harder.

"Why don't we hang out with Karin more?" Naruto asked innocently, muffling a chuckle with the back of his hand.

"Well, up until this point every time we were around Karin I couldn't get past the overwhelming hate I felt for her every time she tried to grope me. But now with Sasuke as a distraction, I can see what a truly lovely, entertaining person she is." Gaara smiled mischievously as he said this and he and Naruto both laughed into their hands.

Karin stretched back "casually" and dropped her pencil behind her back as she did so. "Whoops. Clumsy me…hehe…I'll get it." She stood slowly and sensually waltzed over to where her pencil had rolled. She bent languidly and in one fluid movement bent down to pick up her pencil, before returning up rather abruptly.

"Oh shit, no. She did _not_ just do the 'bend and snap' at me." (1) Sasuke's eyes widened slightly in fear as Karin began to stalk up to him.

"Mmm…Sasuke…" she purred, sticking the pencil eraser in her mouth and chewing on it seductively. "What do you say you and I go in the back and find a few places where we can put _your_ pencil?"

Sasuke nearly tripped over the still cowering waiter as he scrambled to get out of there.

Unable to hold back his laughs anymore, Naruto called after him. "Hey, Sasuke! Where ya going?"

"BATHROOM!" he yelled, not caring that he was making a spectacle out of himself in his haste.

"If you're planning on masturbating, I'd be happy to lend a hand!" Karin called after him helpfully, smiling as she did so. This only made the Uchiha's legs pump faster.

She sighed and sat back down. Karin turned to Naruto with a pout adorning her perfectly glossed lips. "I don't think he likes me."

Naruto chuckled a little in nervousness. "Well…you _do_ tend to come on a little strong…"

"That's cause guys are so stupid, they never know I like them otherwise!" She threw her hands up in exasperation before flopping back down on the table in despair. "Why do they always run from me…?"

Naruto frowned at her sudden sadness and patted her comfortingly on the back. "It's okay Karin…I've known Sasuke a long time and he never seems to take to people very quickly. I'm sure eventually he'll come around…"

Karin glanced up at him from under her hair. "You've known him a long time? How long?"

"Since we were kids…Around kindergarten I think. We've been best friends since first grade at least…" Naruto said in thought.

Karin sprung off the table and clasped her hands together. "You're his best friend? So…he listens to you and stuff?"

Suddenly feeling slightly afraid, Naruto said quietly, "Um…I guess so…"

"Oh my gosh, Naruto! You should totally set us up on a date!"

"HUH? Uh, me?"

"Sure! Who else, stupid?" She giggled at her own little joke. "Sasuke will listen to you! You just need to tell him what a great girl I am and he'll believe you, no problem!"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Actually…there is sort of a problem…"

Karin opened her eyes and glared at him. "Problem, you say?"

"Well…Sasuke will never go on a date! He said he doesn't like them."

Karin scoffed at him and blew her bangs out of her eyes. "Well, duh! Don't _tell_ him he's going on a date!"

Naruto vainly tried to convince the redhead otherwise. "Yea, but…"

"Oh, I'm so excited! Thank you, Naruto!"

She reached out and hugged him tightly, bouncing slightly as she did so. Naruto looked to Gaara for help, but the boy merely shrugged his shoulders before ordering a chai tea from the recovered waiter.

Naruto sighed loudly, still trapped in Karin's embrace. Sasuke would kill him for sure…

--Yay!--New--Story--Arc!--

(1) If any of you have been unfortunate enough to have watched Legally Blonde...you know what this is.

I'M SORRY THIS WAS SO DAMN LATE! I've been tired due to schoolness...and being extremely lazy doesn't help either. Plus, I was kinda stuck, but thanks to Karin eez back on track. I do actually like her, despite how rapisty she is. I just think she needs to stay the fuck away from Sasuke...--

That being said...REVIEW! OR I'LL MAKE YOU JOIN THE PEN15 CLUB! (Ah, gradeschool...)


	11. Dick

--Sasuke--Wuvs--His--Hair--:3--

"NARUTO!" Sasuke roared, charging into the living room in a rage.

He found Naruto and Gaara sitting quietly (too quietly…) on the carpet, watching a cartoon on TV. "Why Sasuke, whatever is the matter?" Naruto asked calmly, blue eyes blinking innocently at the older raven.

Sasuke narrowed his dark eyes at him and crossed his arms with a huff. "You know exactly what the matter is." He said mockingly, scowling down at his blue eyed roommate.

This time Naruto batted his eyelashes flirtatiously. "Why, I have no idea what you mean, good sir."

"Where's my fucking straightener?!" Sasuke asked angrily, losing his patience.

Dropping his innocent act, Naruto snorted and turned back to the television. "What would I have with your stupid straightener?"

Scowling, Sasuke walked directly in front of Naruto, blocking his view of the TV. "Well, the last time it went missing, I found out that you had been straightening your pubes for your big date with Hinata! We all know how THAT turned out!"

Naruto chuckled and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah…She decided to just be friends so all that straightening was useless…"

"AND my flat iron smelled like wang for a month! I couldn't do my bangs without getting a whiff of your crotch-rot…"

"Well come on! What do you think hot pubes are supposed to smell like?"

Sasuke glared at him again and began the trek back to the bathroom. "I'm checking the cabinets once last time, and if it's not there you're fucking DEAD." With that cheerful statement, the pissy Uchiha boy walked into the hallway.

Naruto and Gaara both listened for the slam of the bathroom door before Naruto pulled Sasuke's flat iron out from under the pillow he had been sitting on.

"Okay, we've got like…a minute til he comes back out here with more ferocity than a menstruating Sakura!" Naruto held the stolen straightener like a precious artifact (Well, maybe it was…) and looked at Gaara in fear. "Where should we hide it?"

Gaara frowned in discomfort and began scratching his loins irritably. "I don't know…but my crotch is getting REALLY warm…"

"Yeah. You get used to it after awhile. Trust me, when we get outside you'll be glad I let you defrost your package with Sasuke's straightener beforehand." A dreamy look flitted across Naruto's features.

Gaara was disturbed.

Ignoring the terrified look his friend was giving him, Naruto jumped up, straightener in hand and began frantically searching for a hiding place. He scuttled into the kitchenette and began flinging drawers open looking for an acceptable space. The blonde boy ran over to the sink and quickly opened the cupboards under the sink.

"Aha!" he cried in triumph, seeing that the area was basically empty aside from a bottle of Drain-O and some Mr. Clean. Naruto practically threw the straightener in and quickly shut the doors in order to make the area seem inconspicuous. He casually strolled back to the couch just in time to see Sasuke retreating from the bathroom.

Now more than just irked, if you could call his earlier mood "irked", Sasuke strode into the living room more angry than Naruto could remember. (He has a short memory span).

"Didn't find it?" Naruto guessed, a smug smile planted firmly on his face.

Sasuke glared at him and flicked his blonde companion off before flopping unceremoniously on the couch. "It doesn't matter…I'm just not leaving the house until I find it." With that said, the boy folded his arms across his chest and initiated 'Angst Mode'.

Naruto's eyes widened. He knew Sasuke was vain, but he didn't think the boy actually wouldn't leave the house unless his hair was absolutely flawless! (Well…thinking about it now, it wasn't all that farfetched…Hmm…)

'If Sasuke won't leave the house, how the fuck am I supposed to get him to go on a date with Karin?! If he doesn't go she'll cut me in my sleep!' Naruto began panicking and chewed his nails nervously. 'If I dig out his straightener now, Sasuke's gonna rip my balls off and feed them to Akamaru! Not a pleasant thought in the least…'

Naruto pondered for a few more moments before he finally decided to say something. "Um…Sasuke…I kinda wanted to go to a movie tonight." When Sasuke didn't react, Naruto continued. "With just the two of us."

At this Sasuke visibly perked up. He angled his head so that he could look at Naruto out of the corner of his eye, yet still appear to be aloof and nonchalant.

"Well…If _you _want to see a movie, dobe, I'd be happy to go…" Sasuke sighed and turned back to the TV. "Too bad I can't find my straightener or we could."

Naruto scowled and ran his right hand through his choppy blonde hair. "What if…What if I find it?" he asked cautiously, glancing at Sasuke to check his reaction.

Sasuke turned to him again and narrowed his eyes. "First, I'd wonder how you found it…" At Naruto's wince, Sasuke continued his sentence with a softer tone. "…but if you do I might be so relieved that I won't ask questions…"

Nodding once, Naruto swallowed thickly and rose from his seat. He walked into the kitchen, reached into his hiding place, and retrieved Sasuke's precious hair management device. Walking back into the living room, Naruto stood right in front of Sasuke, and held out his arm.

"Look, I found it." Naruto said casually, dropping the flat iron directly onto Sasuke's lap.

Sasuke grasped the straightener in both hands carefully and inspected it for damage. Apparently not spotting any imperfections, Sasuke, keeping his word, silently stood and calmly sauntered back into the bathroom.

Naruto wiped a bead of sweat from his brow and lowered himself onto the couch next to Gaara. The redhead quietly passed him the remote which Naruto graciously accepted.

"Nice move." Gaara complimented softly, eyes not once leaving the screen.

Naruto chuckled in favor of a response and watched the TV in relative silence. That is until he heard…

"NARUTOOOOO!! YOU USED MY STRAIGHTENER ON YOUR FUCKING DICK AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?!"

Naruto instantly took on the face of one who has just shit their pants in fear, while Gaara laughed quietly. "Well, you're screwed…" he said humorously.

"FUCKING SHIT! THERE'S A RED ONE ON HERE, TOO! GAARA!!"

At the Uchiha's outburst Gaara paled and attempted to shrink into his hoodie. When that attempt failed, he settled for letting Naruto wrap his arms around him as the two boys held each other in terror.

Naruto hoped Akamaru wasn't hungry…

--Too--Bad--He--Is--

Dis was a belated chappie...For that I apologize. I been lazy more so than busy...Sowweeeeeeee...I don't think the story's gonna last much longer, either. Mebe...two to three more chapters. I dunno yet.

Only you can prevent forest fires! By...er...pressing teh review button...I'm freakin' serious! It saves bunnies!


	12. Fucked Up

(A/N: Uhhhhhh......Sorry I didn't update for like.......a month. XD I can assure you it had nothing to do with me being busy. It was sheer laziness.)

--Really--Belated--Update!--

After successfully styling his fantastic Uchiha hair into his trademark duckbutt, (and spritzing himself with extra cologne to get the wang-smell off…) Sasuke was ready to expose the world to the supreme sexiness that was Sasuke Uchiha. Smirking at his reflection in the mirror, Sasuke gave his bangs one last run through with his fingers then stepped out of the bathroom and into the living area. He walked over to the black leather sofa where two mischievous teens were currently sitting…

Against their will…

After the infamous straightener incident, Sasuke had deemed it appropriate that Naruto and Gaara both be tied up on the couch with a pair of Itachi's famed animal print thongs in each of their respective mouths. (Who fucking knows WHY Itachi brought THOSE when he came to visit three weeks ago and freaking LEFT them in the apartment…) Sasuke believed he had let them both off easy for their treachery. Any who dared conspire against the Uchiha's marvelous hair was in for a much worse fate if you asked the offended Uchiha…

Regardless of this fact, Sasuke strode purposefully towards the bound and gagged sinners. Smirking wickedly, he gave a gentle tug on the edge of Itachi's infamous "manties" and pulled the pair slowly out of the repulsed blonde's mouth. His smirk grew when he felt the distinct resistance of teeth scraping against fabric as he withdrew the flimsy silken cloth.

Naruto began spitting and gagging as soon as the thong was taken out of his mouth. "Bastard! That was SADISTIC!"

Sasuke merely shrugged before grinning menacingly. "And what have we learned?"

"Not to fuck with a prissy-ass emo bitch's hair straightener…EVER."

Ignoring the insult, Sasuke began undoing Naruto's bonds. "Well, it appears you've learned your lesson. If you ever pull a stunt like that again the consequences will be much more dire." He clamped his fingers around the blonde's whiskered cheeks in order to pull Naruto closer to him, harshly adding more pressure to show that he was serious.

Naruto began coughing and scraping the roof of his mouth with his tongue irritably. "I think some of the crotch-fibers got stuck in my mouth or something…"

Smirking again, Sasuke patted Naruto harshly on the cheek. "Good boy…Now shouldn't we be going?"

Naruto perked up. "Hmm? Going where?"

"The movies, dumbass. You said we were going to the movies."

"Oh…So I did. Right! To the movies!"

"MMMM-HHHHMMMM!! MMMMM!!!"

At the muffled sounds of panic, both Sasuke and Naruto paused in their departure. They glanced over and noticed Gaara still tied up on the couch, struggling against his bonds.

"Oh yeah…Forgot about him." Sasuke said indifferently, striding over calmly to where the bound and gagged redhead sat. (Seriously…how many people have DREAMED of having Gaara in that position?) Sasuke began untying him and as Gaara's bonds were loosened, he pulled the underwear out of his mouth hastily.

Gasping for breath, Gaara glared menacingly at the Uchiha. Unfazed by the redhead's obvious anger, Sasuke merely shrugged and picked his sweatshirt off of the side of the couch.

"Ready to go, Naruto?"

Naruto nodded numbly and followed the Uchiha out the door. He glanced back apologetically at Gaara who was already on the way to the bathroom to scrub all evidence of man-panty out of his contaminated mouth.

--Where--Can--I--Get--Some--O'--Dem--Manties?--

"Where the fuck is Sasuke?" Karin grumbled irritably, tapping her foot harshly on the ground with impatience. She leaned against the side of one of the railings outside of the movie theater entrance and let out a sigh.

"Maybe I _did_ come on a little strong…" She mused quietly, letting a segment of her bright red bangs fall over her eyes. "I do tend to be a little…aggressive when it comes to dating…Maybe this is a sign, Karin! Maybe being stood up by Sasuke is a sign from God saying to stop basing all of my relationships on physical closeness instead of emotions! Yeah…Maybe that's…"

Karin stopped her epiphany short when she spotted Sasuke and Naruto strolling up in front of the theater. "Sasuke!!!!!" She shrieked, waving her arm violently in an effort to catch his attention.

Sasuke saw her and froze, jaw hanging open in shock and eyes wide with disbelief. He fought the urge to duck behind Naruto in an attempt to hide, but he knew that doing so would be futile. Karin was relentless when there was someone in the vicinity she wanted to rape...

Karin ran over to the two of them and beamed at Sasuke in adoration. "Oh, I knew you wouldn't stand me up, Sasuke! I'm so excited to be here with you!" She grabbed his arm and cuddled up next to him.

Apparently seeing Naruto for the first time, Karin smiled at him happily. "Thanks so much for setting this up, Naruto! You're such a good friend!"

"…Set this up?" Sasuke asked slowly, voice soft and monotonous.

Naruto gulped. "Um…yeah…"

There was a long awkward silence until Sasuke suddenly jerked his arm roughly out of Karin's grasp and turned to glare fiercely at Naruto. "So, you just pretended to want to spend time with me but in reality it was all just a stupid ploy to get Karin into my pants?!" he asked, enraged.

"Woah, woah, Sasuke it's not like that at all!" Naruto held up his hands defensively and backed away from his pissed off friend. "I just think a girlfriend would be good for you, and you and Karin would make a good pair."

Sasuke grit his teeth in anger. "That's a fucking lie and you know it!" He fisted his hands and began shaking. "I can't fucking believe you'd do this, Naruto…You lied to me just so you could make me miserable!"

"Sasuke, that's not…"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sasuke looked up at him suddenly, and Naruto flinched at the pure rage he saw in the Uchiha's dark eyes. "You always do this! You always try to make everyone happy, and as a result you meddle! You always end up fucking with me!"

Tears pricked at the corner of Sasuke's eyes, but he refused to show his weakness to Naruto. It had been such a long time since Sasuke had ever shown any feelings at all, that everything was coming out at once. The raw flood of emotions was overwhelming for him and Sasuke suddenly felt very tired.

"Forget it…just fucking forget it. I don't know why I'm at all surprised." He sighed suddenly and ran his hand through his perfectly tamed black hair. "I should expect the pain at this point…"

Without another word, Sasuke turned on his heel and began walking away.

Still stunned by the sudden outburst from the Uchiha, Naruto merely stood there and watched him go. As the realization that Sasuke was leaving finally sunk in, the blonde quickly made to stop him.

"Sasuke! Wait!" He lunged after the raven, but his movements were halted by a strong grip on his forearm. He looked down and saw Karin's crimson eyes staring up at him with worry. "Lemme go, Karin! I gotta go after Sasuke! He's obviously upset if he would risk mussing his perfectly coifed hair!"

Karin sighed and broke their gaze, opting to stare after Sasuke instead.

"I half expected something like this to happen…My gaydar was going nuts when I saw you two walk in at the café, but I didn't want to believe it 'cause he was so friggin' sexy!" Karin sighed again and looked off to the side. "It's no use really…Naruto, you should give him some time to cool down."

Naruto looked at her in surprise. "Why? What are you even talking about? I have to go after him!"

"No, you need to leave him be. You're the one he's mad at anyway."

"Yeah! That's exactly why we need to resolve the problem!"

Karin tsked and let go of his arm disdainfully. "Fine. Follow him, if you really have no concern for your life." She looked up at him again, suddenly looking quite wise despite her previous fangirlism. "Naruto, I know I'm not exactly the best on 'boundaries', but you really need to give him his space…"

She pouted her lips suddenly. "You got his widdle Uchiha hopes up…" she said in a cutesy voice, clasping her hands together as she spoke.

Naruto looked at her with a pained expression and looked back toward the direction Sasuke had gone. "I…still don't know what I did…" He looked down gloomily, before raising his head back up and pumping his fist with solid determination. "…but I'll make sure that I find out tonight! YOSH!"

With that being said, he ran away from Karin at full speed back to his apartment, fist still high in the air. Karin blinked owlishly at the spot the little blonde blur had previously been occupying. Shock wearing off, she looked up at the sky in contemplation.

"He's gonna get his cock ripped off…" She said decisively, smiling a little. "Serve's him right for taking my widdle Sasu-kitten away from me…"

With that delightful little thought in mind, Karin turned heel and waltzed her way merrily into the movie theater. Maybe the cute silver-haired guy with the shark teeth who was working the popcorn machine would be going on his break soon…

--Holy--Mother--of--ANGST!--

Yehhhhh.....Well......that was pretty bitchy and angsty....XD For those of you who are new to my longer works, (which is pretty much all of you) I always put some sort of angsty heartache shit in mah stories......I just like them better when they suffer for some sadistic reason.

On an unrelated note...I HAVE A NEW STORY! It's about Naruto disguising himself as a girl because he think Sasuke will love him only if he's a girl! Don't worry, there's MAN-love....I don't like that Naruko shit at all. Please check it out, dearies!

REVIEW! OR YE SHALL SUFFER THE SAME FATE AS NARUTO AND GAARA AND HAVE A NICE WIDDLE MAN-THONG SHOVED IN YOUR MOUTH-HOLE!


	13. What a Douche!

**(A/N: This is what happens when I write a chapter while listening to Muse...) **

Nearing the front door of their apartment, Sasuke began groping through his pants pockets for his keys. After searching aimlessly for several moments, he yelled loudly in frustration and banged his head hard on the door. He stayed in that position for several seconds, his rage growing as time ticked on until the front door was suddenly opened. Not expecting this development Sasuke pitched forward, eyes wide in shock, until a pair of strong arms caught him and set him upright.

Sasuke looked up quickly at the person who caught him, obsidian eyes shining brightly with hope. "Naru…"

He cut himself short as a pair of clouded green eyes bore into his own, and sighed loudly in disappointment. "Nevermind…" Sasuke mumbled, stomping his way over to his kitchen.

"You're back early." Gaara commented bluntly as Sasuke trudged past him. The redhead crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, watching as the Uchiha stormed around the apartment.

As expected, Sasuke ignored Gaara's words and merely made to fix himself an iced mocha. Only coffee could help him now…Hearing nothing further out of the redhead, Sasuke risked a glance back at his silent companion. He noticed that Gaara had begun playing with his bangs, apparently out of boredom. His cold eyes were still trained on the Uchiha, however. Apparently, he was still waiting on a response.

Caving, Sasuke sighed loudly as he added ice cubes to his iced mocha maker. (Dude, hook a brother up!) "Yes, I am home early." He replied bitterly, focusing on his mocha in favor of the redhead.

Gaara parted his bangs down the middle and peeked at Sasuke through strands of red hair. "Without Naruto?"

Exhaling deeply through his nose, Sasuke forced himself to remain calm. "Yes. Without Naruto."

"Why?" Gaara asked innocently, ruffling his hair back to its previous unruly state.

"Because the bastard was trying to hook me up with a rapist! He tricked me into going out with him, just so he could force this slut on me!" Sasuke screamed, patience lost. He whipped around to face Gaara and glared at him fiercely, growling slightly.

Gaara glared back at him unblinkingly, and spoke evenly, "So, you'd prefer that Naruto was forcing himself on you_,_ then?"

Sasuke immediately froze, shoulders tense and eyes wide with surprise. "Take it back." He spoke softly. Gaara merely blinked at him, his very being the physical manifestation of indifference.

"I said…" Sasuke spoke, more harshly this time. "TAKE IT BACK!" To emphasize his point, he flung his freshly made mocha against the wall, shattering the mug he had placed it in.

Gaara's eyes followed the cup, unfazed. "Aww…That looked good."

Sasuke was on Gaara in an instant, hands clenched around his shirt collar, pulling him off the ground. He forced the boy against him roughly, and pressed his nose against Gaara's. Sasuke glowered into the redhead's face, rage written all over his expression. Gaara sneered at Sasuke's anger and even let loose a small chuckle. This enraged Sasuke further, and he pressed himself even closer against Gaara.

"So, you're mocking me now? You're making fun of me?" the Uchiha growled out, shaking with fury. "You have no idea what it's like! You have no right to judge me! What the fuck do you know?"

"Probably nothing." Gaara spoke quietly, settling himself into a more comfortable position in Sasuke's grasp. "What I do know is that you're going about all of this the wrong way."

Sasuke's grip tightened. "What the hell are you talking about? You don't know shit!" He shoved Gaara away from him with such force that the redhead's back hit the wall. Hard.

Gaara winced slightly at the sensation, but appeared otherwise completely unaffected. "I've lived with you guys for two days now, and I've picked up on a few things." He paused to rub his now sore back in agitation. "Mainly that you've completely stopped trying to pursue Naruto, if you ever did, anyway…You expect him to be the one that initiates your relationship. It's not right to expect that much out of Naruto…especially considering how dense he is."

Sasuke stared blankly at the surprisingly wise ginger. "You…you just don't get it. Why…" he paused slightly, panting from his previous exertion. "…I don't want to jeopardize our friendship…It's all we have." Sasuke slumped, defeated and crumpled to the ground at his admission.

Gaara crouched to Sasuke's level and looked at him sympathetically. "So…It's because you think if you can't be loved by him, you can at least be liked by him as a best friend?"

Sasuke nodded numbly, refusing to make eye contact.

"Well…It's not like I didn't know that before or anything. A little confirmation is nice once and a while." Gaara rose to his feet and brushed off his slightly dusty jeans. He extended a pale hand down to Sasuke, who took it gingerly and hoisted himself up.

"Regardless of what you think will happen…You'd ought to try at least."

The raven glanced up shyly at Gaara after hearing his words, now embarrassed by the fact that the stoic man now knew his biggest secret. "I've already told you. He doesn't feel the same."

Gaara sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Have it your way, but personally I'd go insane from wondering 'What if?'" Gaara mused to himself quietly before shrugging and walking away. "I trust you to make your own decisions." His eye lingered on the shattered remains of Sasuke's coffee mug on the floor. "And...Maybe clean that up."

Sasuke just stood there, staring at his feet as Gaara left, contemplating his words. Deep down he knew…

Gaara was right.

--Short--Ass--Chapter!--

**Gaara sort of embodied L from Death Note in this chapter...I just read a bunch of LxLight doujins, so I'm still in the L state of mind...I know he's OOC...the normal Gaara would get pissed if someone shoved him, but I pictured him as Shipuuden Gaara, who's a lot calmer. I'll review at some point during this week. I have a long ass Turkey Vacation. Awwwwww...Bah, this was angsty! No excuse! XD**

**I can has review pleez? (Wow...I think I already used this line...) Do it anyway. **


	14. Fuck? Nooo

**(A/N: SAP AHOOOOOOY!) **

**--**Hehe--Angst--

"That prissy little emo-bitch better not have locked me out of the apartment again!" Naruto growled under his breath as he raced up the stairs toward his apartment complex.

He made a sharp turn around a corner and continued his race against angst towards his front door. Seeing that he'd passed his door already, Naruto skidded to a halt and lost his balance on the crappy carpeting of their hallway. He face-planted right on the dirt-stained decorative rug, effectively giving himself a fantastic brush-burn. Rubbing his previously unblemished face with a grimace, Naruto stood swiftly and brushed off the front of his jeans. He scowled at the pain, and walked over to his front door still clutching his cheek. He reached out and grasped the door knob and attempted to turn it, but to his dismay the door had been locked.

"Ah, cock…" The blonde grumbled, fishing around in his front pocket for a house key.

His search coming up empty, Naruto groaned in exasperation and began pounding frantically on the front door. When he received no response, Naruto began pounding his fists even harder against the door's surface.

"Sasuke's probably too busy cutting his wrists to answer the door…" Naruto grumbled, resting his head against the wall.

"I resent that."

Naruto whipped his head up to face the steely black eyes of his room mate and best friend. "Sasuke!!!!! You know I was just kidding about the emo thing, right?"

Naruto noticed a slight glint in the Uchiha's eyes before the raven began shutting the door as quickly as he could. Panicked, Naruto attempted to jam his foot in the door but missed horribly and ended up ramming his nose against the front door. Clutching his rapidly swelling nose, Naruto could only watch through his tears as Sasuke slammed the door in his face. And now, teary-eyed, the blue eyed blonde stared sadly at the shut door in silence.

'Maybe…maybe I really did it this time…' he thought miserably, his eyes tearing up with sadness instead of pain. "Sasuke hates meeeeeee!!!!!" He wailed, rubbing at his leaking eyes in despair.

The creaking of a door was heard as Sasuke opened the front door a small crack and peered out at Naruto. He had clearly put the chain on the door, if the oppressive rusted links hanging slightly below the door hinge was of any indication, and was now leering out suspiciously at the sobbing blonde.

Naruto's head snapped up at the noise, and he instantly brightened. "Sasuke! You don't…you don't hate me after all!" he squealed happily, all ready to jump into the older boy's arms.

Sasuke chuckled darkly at the statement and narrowed his eyes at Naruto. "Oh, quite the contrary. I hate you very much…Especially after that emo comment."

Naruto's happy demeanor instantly spontaneously combusted at the statement. "Come on, Sasu-poo! I was just kidding! You know that!" he explained frantically, arms waving rapidly to illustrate his point.

"Sasu-poo? Oh, you're just _begging_ for an early and painful demise, aren't you?"

"But-da-w-what I mean….EHHHHHHHHH…SASUKE!!!!" He stuttered foolishly, tears welling up again. "I'm really sorry!!! Let me iiiin! It's cold out here!"

Sasuke snorted at the blonde's antics. "And you call _me_ the bitchy one…" Snarky comment aside, Sasuke undid the latch and opened the door wide for the blonde.

Needing no invitation, Naruto zoomed his way past Sasuke and onto their black leather couch, nuzzling his face into the sleek fabric. "Ooooohhh…Toasty…" He moaned happily, rubbing his face harder into the couch.

"Yeah…That's cause my ass was there about five seconds ago." Sasuke explained with an eye-roll, clearly somewhat testy.

Naruto instantly scrambled up off the couch and backed as far away as he could. "Eeeeewww! I just had your ass on my face!" The blonde squealed, rubbing his face with his hands in an attempt to brush the ass-germs off.

Trying not to let his mind wander to the scenario Naruto had just described, Sasuke shook his head and settled himself back down on to the couch. Seemingly just remembering something, Naruto began to timidly inch his way over to Sasuke. He knelt down so that he was supporting himself with his heels and peered up cautiously at his companion.

"Um…Sasuke?" He asked slowly, fidgeting in his lap as he looked up at the raven questioningly.

Sasuke grunted in response, his eyes never leaving the television set.

"I'm sorry about setting you up on a date with Karin…I know you don't like her and everything…It's just she asked me and…"

"Yeah I know. You just wanted to help a friend. I'm not mad anymore Naruto."

Blue eyes shone brightly with hope. "Really? You forgive me? Just like that?"

Sasuke chuckled softly and patted the spot next to him on the couch. Instantly taking the invitation, Naruto quickly climbed up the side of the couch and sat next to his best friend. Just as he had settled in, however, Sasuke turned off the TV and broke the silence.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing to you, anyway."

Naruto looked up in surprise at his companion. "Eh? What could you possibly have to apologize for?"

Sasuke cast a sidelong glance in the blonde's direction. "For everything that happened tonight. I grossly over-reacted."

"It wasn't _that_ gross."

Sasuke stared incredulously at the sheer idiocy of the blonde before continuing. "I also…God, Naruto that was STUPID…I also need to apologize for what I did to your '#1 Mom' mug." He ignored the look of sheer despair that flitted across Naruto's face before continuing. "Yes, I know, and I'm sorry. I sort of smashed it against the wall, but don't worry I _will_ buy you another one tomorrow."

"But…I won that at the Mother's Day festival I competed in with Konohamaru!"

"Yeah, I know…and it still evades me why they honestly thought you were a woman. Regardless, for all of the above I'm sorry."

Shaking off the initial shock of tragically losing his prized momma-mug, Naruto leaned forward and rested his hand comfortably on Sasuke's knee. "S'okay, Sasuke. I forgive you." He smiled warmly at his friend and leaned back against the couch. "So, is that it? Gonna turn the TV back on?"

The Uchiha shook his head and turned to face his friend again. "No…I have one more thing to apologize for."

Naruto blinked innocently at his friend. "For what?"

"For dramatically altering our friendship forever."

"For wha…" Naruto was abruptly cut off by a pair of lips against his own.

Struggling being his initial reaction at having his personal space so suddenly intruded upon, Naruto pushed back against Sasuke's shoulders as the raven continued to "violate" him. Undeterred by the blonde's resistance, Sasuke pressed down harder against the blonde's mouth and pinned him down onto the couch. Naruto stopped struggling after that, merely too shocked by the fact that this was _Sasuke_ towering above him kissing and…fuck, did he just BITE him?

Sasuke pulled back after that, scuttling over to the other end of the couch. Panting from the lack of air, Sasuke studied Naruto's expression carefully for any response to the kiss.

Naruto's face had gone completely crimson with embarrassment, his eyes were wide and buggy, and his breath was coming out in short, shallow gasps. He wrapped both hands around his suddenly very swollen lips and stared at Sasuke in something that could only be described as the inbred cousin of fear and shock.

Sighing deeply at the negative reaction, Sasuke stared down at his feet sadly. "I guess…I'll start looking for a new apartment tomorrow. I could always move in with Itachi in the meantime, I suppose." He sighed softly and slid off the couch and to his feet.

As Sasuke began walking away, he heard a quiet but determined, "Sasuke, wait!" come out of the poor dobe he had just kissed senseless. Sasuke halted his movements and risked a glance at his not-so-secret-anymore love.

Naruto chewed on his lower lip nervously, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he contemplated his next words. "Why did…Why did you do that?"

The raven chuckled lightly at the question. "Well, I suppose it goes without saying that I like you, dobe." He smiled faintly, shaking his head slightly. "That much should be obvious."

"Like? Oh, that's no good." Naruto looked to the ground, frowning slightly.

Sasuke sighed in exasperation, and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Yeah…That's no good. Tell me something I don't know.' Frustration finally getting the better of him, Sasuke prepared himself to storm out of the room until a quiet voice stopped him.

"I'd prefer it if you _loved_ me instead."

Turning cautiously, Sasuke faced the blonde in disbelief, unsure if he had actually heard that meek voice say the words he had longed to hear for years or if it had all been created by his desperate imagination. He took in the sight of a flushed face, shaky but determined blue eyes staring unabashedly into his own. Oh yeah. He'd heard it all right.

Sasuke swallowed nervously before opening his mouth to speak. "Well, I didn't want to freak you out or anything…"

At this, Naruto laughed loudly and boisterously. "Freak me out? Dude, I hang out with fucking JIRAIYA! I'm not easily frightened."

The raven walked back over to Naruto, albeit timidly. "So…you like me too, then?"

A lopsided grin from the blonde said it all. "Like…_Love_…?" He shrugged his shoulders, still grinning.

A smile of his own working its way onto Sasuke's face, he quickly sat down on the couch next to Naruto and reached out for him, still cautious. "You're not joking, are you?" He asked sullenly, remembering the blonde's initial response.

Naruto scooted his way into Sasuke's outstretched arms and nestled himself quite comfortably against Sasuke. "'Course not. I'm always serious." He kissed Sasuke chastely on the lips, showing the affection in his words.

Sasuke grunted a little in response and pressed his face against the crook of Naruto's neck, sighing happily. He smiled against bronzed skin, kissing the soft flesh. He stayed in that position for several blissful moments, before a shifting blonde disturbed him from his comfortable position. He sat up on his haunches and looked at the dobe, who was currently attempting to pull his shirt over his head.

Sasuke stared impassively, as the blonde struggled with the simple piece of fabric. "What the hell are you doing?"

Naruto finally pulled the shirt over his head and merely grinned. "What do you think, stupid? We both confessed, that means we do it."

Sasuke blinked rapidly at the blonde before him, before shaking his head and getting off the couch. "Oh HELL no. There's no way I'm letting you stick ANYTHING up my ass, thanks. I've got a test tomorrow and I'm not limping my way into class, thank you very much."

"Oh, so you've already figured out that you're going to be the uke then, hmm?" Naruto asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at the implication.

Sasuke glared at him, but otherwise kept his voice completely monotone. "No…I just figured that while I was sleeping peacefully after pounding your ass into the mattress time and time again, you would pull a fast one on me and try to "return the favor." Me being uke has nothing to do with it."

Naruto toyed with the scenario in his head a few times, and was devastated to discover that the outcome was always the same. "Well, shit…" he pouted slightly, arms crossed.

Sasuke patted him sympathetically on the shoulder and began walking back to his bedroom. "Well, don't worry about it too much. We won't be having sex for quite a while anyway."

Blue eyes snapped wide open at the statement. He looked over at Sasuke pleadingly, a pout firmly in place. "But…But Sasuke!! That's the whole point of dating someone! So you can bone them!"

The raven was unmoved by Naruto's tearful words, and turned to him with a chuckle. "Dobe…do you have any idea how awkward the two of us would be during sex anyway? Let's be realistic here…We've been _friends_ the majority of our lives…How the hell do you think we can make the transition into lovers in one fucking night? You're an idiot…"

With that being said, Sasuke walked out of the room and into the hallway, leaving a flabbergasted Naruto sitting on the couch. Shirtless.

Placing numerous curses on the Uchiha as he pulled his shirt on, Naruto began mumbling obscenities as he redressed himself.

Just as he was going into vast detail about a particularly bad one involving a rusty boat anchor, Sasuke's ass, and three kinds of hot sauce, said raven peeked his head out from around the corner of their hallway.

"Well…aren't you coming?"

Naruto stared at him stupidly. "Uh…going where?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at him. "To bed, dobe."

Naruto's eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "But you said…"

"I said we weren't going to have sex. We can do…other things…" At this, Sasuke smiled coyly at Naruto and retreated back into his room.

The blonde stared for several moments at the empty place the raven had occupied merely minutes before in shock. Snapping out of his daze, Naruto smiled widely and scrambled to his feet to race into Sasuke's room.

He had decided to take back the thing about the anchor…

--Can--I--Have--It--Then?--

**Oooooookay! Well, this was overly sappy, and I felt the urge to vomit more than once, but it's done!!!! This was gonna be the last chapter, but it doesn't feel quite finished yet. I think an epilogue would be good. I'll write probably within the week. (Something random: I can call Sasuke "the Uchiha" but "the Uzumaki" just sounds odd to me...huh...) **

**Oh yeah...During the "almost" sex scene, "Sex Is Not the Enemy" started playing on my computer...Goooood, I lost it! I doubt you'd enjoy that as much as I did, but still.... **

**I GAVE YOU FLUFF! THUS YOU REVIEW FOR ME, YES? DOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT! (Or I'll neglect this story for Tales of Symphonia 2 again...Do you know how hard it was to resist the wii? DOOOO YOUUUUUUU?) **


	15. Cock? Yes RUN NARUTO!

**A/N:) Two chapters in one day? Have you ever gotten the feeling that you're the shit? AND humble?**

**P.S. Dis chappie is dedicated to BLUEanimeGIRL025 because she reminded me that this story was incomplete...Even though it still took me a few months to get off (or on) my ass and start writing it. Thaaaaaaaanks! :3**

---

Gaara opened the door to Naruto's room and began sliding his way into the living room. He exhaled slowly through his nose in what _could_ have been described as an angst-filled sigh, if one truly wanted their entrails ripped out through their esophagus. Gaara is NOT angsty…Most days. The reason for his not-quite-but-pretty-damn-close angst? Naruto didn't come home last night. Gaara had been camping out on the blonde's bedroom floor waiting for him to return so he could scold him about Uchiha-ettiquette and perhaps knock some sense into that empty head of his…but apparently one of two things had happened.

One: Sasuke had found out that Naruto had set him up on a date, murdered him, raped the body, and in his distress at having lost his dobe, became a male prostitute and started working the streets to forget his harsh past.

Two: Naruto and Sasuke had a fight and Naruto decided that since Karin was there and skankiliscious as always, he'd tap that shit and would be back in the morning to apologize to Sasuke and wash the whore off of him.

Gaara looked up slightly in thought. By the looks of option one, perhaps he had been watching too many detective dramas lately.

'Damn SVU…' He muttered internally, slowly approaching the kitchenette. Seeing Sasuke's infamous fuzzy pink slippers dangling from a pair of skinny legs on the bar stool, Gaara knew that he would probably end up comforting a depressed and likely pissy Uchiha this morning. The slippers meant that Sasuke was feeling "sensitive".

This time sighing loudly in what was most definitely an angsty exhale, Gaara slowly began looking up. "What happened last night, Sa---heeeeeehhhhh?"

Naruto looked up at Gaara from his toast and chewed thoughtfully. "Wow, Gaara. That was the most unintelligible noise of confusion I've ever heard you make! And I was with you when we watched 'Dead Leaves'. What's up?"

The redhead could only gape and stare at the blonde moron…currently clad in seemingly nothing but Sasuke's fuzzy pink bathrobe!

It took Gaara a few seconds of spluttering before a perverse, and no doubt terrifying grin broke out on his normally stoic features. "Well, I'll be damned. You did it. You fucked the Uchiha." Despite his harsh tone, Gaara was still grinning like a fool at him. (Albeit a fool who had just escaped from an insane asylum.)

Naruto scowled at him and rolled his eyes. "Maaaaan, I _wish_! That prude wouldn't even let me give him a fellatio! If I had only known that 'other things' involved me holding him all night while he cried and talked about his feelings, I would've taken Karin up on her offer months ago!" Despite Naruto's exasperated tone, Gaara could still see fondness shining in his eyes when he mentioned holding Sasuke all night. It was…endearing.

"Morning."

The pair looked out towards the hallway to see Sasuke stepping out of the bathroom, a thin cloud of steam billowing out behind him. He was dressed casually in a dark t-shirt and jeans and apparently hadn't blow-dried his hair enough since it still had that "freshly showered" look. He barely gave Gaara a second glance before he walked over to Naruto and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and wrapped his arms around his middle from behind.

"You're up early. I thought you didn't have class?" Sasuke murmured lowly against the shell of his ear, rubbing his stomach soothingly through the pink fuzzy bathrobe.

Naruto turned slightly to smile dazzingly at him. "Well, you sorta woke me up this morning with your alarm and all, and I thought I'd see you off."

Sasuke smiled happily and leaned in to brush their lips together. "Yeah, yeah, I know you. You'll act sweet the first week we're dating, and then in about a month you'll be back to your old fatass lazy ways."

Naruto laughed loudly against his lips. "Ah, bastard, you know me so well."

Gaara gagged a little, and quickly covered his mouth with his left palm.

"What's wrong, Gaara? Are you okay?"

Gaara shook his head and swallowed thickly, panting. "I think I almost threw up."

"Huh…" Naruto eyed him strangely and shrugged. "Well, Gaara I always thought that you were one to bat for the other team, personally. I didn't think you'd wind up a homo-phobe."

Now looking a little Christmas colored due to the green tint his skin had taken on and his already vibrant red hair, Gaara was quick to reply. "Dumbass, I was trying to _help_ you two! I think it's all the love in the air…It's like anthrax."

Sasuke sneered at him and hugged Naruto more firmly around the waist. "Maybe you should leave then, so you don't catch it." He said harshly, cuddling closer to his dobe.

"By now, Temari's probably gotten over her hangover. It's probably safe for me to return home." Gaara grinned lecherously at them again. "Although, if I leave, I fear that Naruto won't be able to sit down for a week."

Naruto gaped at him in shock and mortification. "Seriously? _Seriously_? Why the hell does everyone just _assume_ I'll be the one getting my butt plugged? Huh? It's the scars, isn't it?" He pulled his cheeks down distastefully, as if stretching the slashes would make them go away.

Sasuke patted his back in mock sympathy. "There, there, my little uke…Sasuke-sama will make it aaaaaaaaaall better."

Naruto pulled away and jumped off the stool. "Yeah, with your cock up my ass? NOOOOO THANKS!" With that he "bravely" ran into the bathroom and locked the door. And mind you, he did not _flee_.

Sasuke watched him go with a blank look in his eyes. "Thanks, asshole. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be getting him out of that bathroom and on his back before eight o'clock? Do you?"

Gaara chuckled darkly and walked over to the corner where his overnight bag was. "Don't mention it." He picked up his duffel and headed towards the door. "I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later tonight. I don't have the time or the patience to wait for him to get out of the bathroom."

Taking a good look at Sasuke, and then one at the bathroom door, Gaara said blankly, "I'll be sure to call first. I'd hate to walk in on anything."

Despite his earlier insinuations, Sasuke still turned tomato-red and began babbling profusely. "As if I'd…I'll have you know, that I am a gentleman! I don't fu--make love to people as soon as I start dating them!"

Once again, Gaara's gaze shifted between Sasuke and the bathroom door. "I'll definitely call first." He stated decidedly, apparently not convinced by Sasuke's little argument, and began heading to the door.

"Oh, and Sasuke," he called softly over his shoulder. "Despite your impressions of me, I had fun and it was nice meeting you."

Sasuke sneered internally. _'How polite.'_ "Yes, it was nice. Just remember how not-so-nice it could've been if you would have made a move on Naruto, and we'll get along just great in the future."

Rolling his eyes slightly, Gaara just nodded his head and turned the knob. "Tell Naruto I said goodbye." He said calmly before walking out the door and clicking the door shut.

Sasuke stood alone in the empty room for a few minutes in thought. He quickly glanced down and checked his watch.

_'7:36…Juuuuuust enough time for a quickie.'_

"Hey, dobe! Are you in the mood for ramen?"

A gasp. "RAAAAAAMEN?" Naruto fumbled with the lock on the door briefly before it burst open and he ran out into the living room where his new boyfriend was waiting with a smirk. "Sasuke, are you offering?" He asked hopefully. You could practically _see_ his tail wagging.

Sasuke smirked perversely and stepped closer and closer to his dobe, pinning him against the wall with his body and forearm, effectively preventing escape. "Dobe…" He breathed huskily, leaning in slowly to capture Naruto's lips in a slow and sensuous kiss. "I have something for you that's _much_ better than ramen…"

---

**ZOMGHOLYSHITLOAF ITS FINALLY DONE! Sorry, it only took me...what, a YEAR? I dunno...Double sorry it's so short and lacks a lemon...I don't feel like it, truthfully. :P Read my other story if you want some pron. I think it's called Preparation...It can be viewed as a companion piece to this one. If not...I'll definitely smut in the future, so don't be TOO upset. XD **

**If you haven't abandoned this story due to lack of updating and overall fail, REVIEW PLZ. It makes rainbows and unicorns in my SOUL. :D **


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